Whispering to paramedic before I pass out: save me, but not enough that I have to go to work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

It’s easy to keep me happy: feed me sunshine in summer — and keep me warm in winter.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

When people block me, I just assume it’s for my rugged good looks and killer jawline.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

A vibrator is amazing but it doesn’t call me “good girl” unfortunately.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Who called it a heatwave and not a temperature tantrum?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

The real flex is how many wounds you can turn into wisdom.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

Wi-Fi: Your internet connection is unstable. Me: You should see my life.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

I lost my appetite for doing work. If you find it, you can keep it.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

“Beauty sleep” is bullshit. I sleep 14 hours a day and still look like trash.