“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” I asked God to strike me dead with lightning.

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When waiting for a flight, there’s always one guy at the gate that makes you think, “As long as I’m not sitting next to him, I’ll be fine.”

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I don’t normally like to brag about expensive trips but I just got back from the grocery store.

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My least controversial opinion is that IKEA should have a bar. I think we were meant to consume three beers and then purchase a Gjörfbunkle.

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The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

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Toothache and heartache comes from the same thing, which is something sweet.

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How old is older? Because I’m still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.

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Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

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I get it, laundry, no one is doing me either.

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I’m just another dysfunctional train wreck barreling down the tracks with a smile.

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Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”