Womansplaining is when a woman tries to explain to you what you’re thinking/feeling, and is just totally 100% wrong.

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When I was a kid, we weren’t allowed to use our phones in school. Mainly because the cords wouldn’t reach.

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I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

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My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me like it was my fault. How dare I put it on the edge of the table?

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That moment when a zombie out for brains walks past you.

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Needs to be a Google Maps setting where you can ask them not to make you take a left across four lanes of oncoming traffic.

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About to watch Tenet for the first time and I enjoyed it.

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It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

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The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

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Sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby eats, work when the baby works.

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Of course, my summer body is ready; it’s the same as my winter body but sweatier.