I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Geometry is a scam. What do you mean “prove it’s a triangle”? Just look at it.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Milk teeth are wasted on children. A new set of teeth would be a lot more useful when you’re older.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t have any generational wealth but I did inherit a great spaghetti sauce recipe.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Welcome to your late 40s! From now on you will no longer be in “good health” but in “good health for your age”.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Got a new Roomba but keeping the old one to see if I can get them to fight.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Hi, I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you are one of them.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

I’ve never seen anything sadder than me in a black cape under the salon lights with wet hair parted incorrectly by a solid inch.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Eating wings is the opposite of flying.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”