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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

I miss when you could touch a TV and feel its fur.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Job market so bad, I started following my dreams.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Having a sore throat as a giraffe must really suck.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Aliens traveled millions of light years to get here to visit New Jersey.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

I need like twelve incomes for this lifestyle I have in my head.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Do you also watch porn until the end to see if they end up getting married?

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

How is rent for 28 days the same amount as for 31 days? Where is my change?

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Naturally introverted, selectively extroverted.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

3,763

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

If someone asks you if you’re in the queue, what they actually mean is “you’re really shit at queuing, aren’t you?”

Shared recently on Telegram:

Nature is fascinating. A dandelion makes it through concrete, while I get my head stuck in my sweater in the morning.

Breaking via WeChat:

It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a Like.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I forgot my password, failed the captcha and have been accused of being a robot. I don’t even know how to fight these allegations.

Just shared via Reddit:

Life would be so much simpler if you could just smack the stupid out of people instead having to reason with them.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Missionary, so we can discuss how 15 min can save us 15% or more on car insurance.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Sitting in a room with my husband and kids… Suddenly I realize everyone here has been in my vagina. Wow.

Going viral on Instagram:

I hope the ghost of Michael Jackson Hee-Hee’s in your ear while you tryna sleep.

Spotted on Messenger:

Some people are so fake, their lock screens don’t recognize them.

Trending via Discord:

I worry a lot about the wild animals in my neighborhood, but I’m beginning to think they don’t worry about me.

A spoonful of peanut butter from the jar will fix me.

2 months ago

0

A spoonful of peanut butter from the jar will fix me.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the magical healing powers of peanut butter straight from the jar 🥄✨ Who needs a doctor when peanut butter is your cure-all?! Just spoon it out and watch your worries melt away. Peanut butter to the rescue! 🥜🦸‍♂️ #PeanutButterHealsAll #SpoonfulOfJoy"

butter, comfort, comfort food, fix, food, humor, jar, me, peanut, peanut butter, snack, spoonful

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

According to this box of macaroni and cheese, I am an entire family.

0

2 months ago

am, box, cheese, family, food, humor, i, identity, joke, macaroni
My recliner and I go way back.

0

2 months ago

back, comfort, furniture, home, humor, i, nostalgia, recliner, relationship, relaxation
Good morning only to the complexity and uncertainty of everything.

0

2 months ago

complexity, everything, existential, good, humor, morning, only, philosophical, uncertainty, wit
There should be 1 day a month without commercials.

0

3 months ago

1, advertising, break, commercial, commercials, day, entertainment, humor, media, month, should, television
Friendship is when you don’t tidy up before visitors arrive.

0

2 months ago

before, clean, friendship, honesty, humor, relationship, tidy, visitors
Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

0

2 months ago

agreement, comedy, custody, custody agreement, disguise, doubtfire, family, favorite, favorite movie, film, humor, movie, mrs., Mrs. Doubtfire, parenting, violation

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Women love it when you approach them on the street and say “whoa, is there a hot babe convention in town?”

31 shares on X this month:

It’s not the destination that matters. It’s the snacks you eat on the way.

85 shares on WeChat this month:

Welcome to your 50s, there’s a wrong way to stretch now.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

12 shares on Facebook this month:

Candy companies will look you straight in the eye and lie about how they know what a banana tastes like.

32 shares on Threads this month:

“I’m a very sleepy person, just at all the wrong times.”

94 shares on Facebook this month:

The evening news: Where they begin with “Good evening” and then proceed to tell you why it’s not.

67 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Songs discovered from movies are usually a masterpiece.

59 shares on Pinterest this month:

I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

13 shares on TikTok this month:

Imagine how bored the person who invented mayonnaise must have been.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206 of them.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My life is based on a true story.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone, and ignore them like all other adults.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone has that one friend they’ve known for years and still have no idea what they actually do for a living, but it’s too late to ask.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

People who grew up with money will look you in the eyes and ask you something insane like, “Do you ski?”

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Men shouldn’t be allowed to download any app other than Wikipedia.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I have lived way too many lives for people to think they know everything about me.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Police cars should play ice cream truck music when they’re pulling you over for something minor.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

All of humanities problems could be solved with a large meteor.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Why are fish the only thing you can monger? Let me monger some other stuff.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,766

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

70% of marriage is yelling “What” from a different room.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

“Hey you!” is short for “I have no idea what your name is.”

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

My boss told me “It’s not rocket science.” Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

My toxic trait is thinking I can nap, then waking up 3 hours later in a parallel universe where I missed everything.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

I know my limits. I don’t always obey them, but I know them.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

My bank account and I are no longer on speaking terms.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Ever notice how many towns are named after their water tower?

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

I wish I were a wild horse in Kazakhstan. That would fix everything.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

I only accept apologies in cash.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

I had too much to think last night.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Snapchat:

I can’t explain how it works, but one day, you just wake up and like sauerkraut.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.

Seen just now on Threads:

Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

If you think someone has put a spell on you, send me $500 and I’ll get rid of it.

Breaking via TikTok:

I am thinking of watching a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?

Shared recently on WeChat:

The world would be a better place if mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

A good hack to make my house look clean and tidy in the evening is to turn all the lights off.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Normalize ending a hang-out abruptly by saying ‘I wanna go home now’ and then going home.

Just landed via Pinterest:

A beautiful woman should never have to send an email. Yet, such tragedies occur every day.

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