Adulting is realizing Monday is a better “off day” than Friday.

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The best part of the relationship is before you meet them, and you’re single.

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If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge.

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Violence is not the answer, unless you’re a gaggle of children instructed to break into a piñata.

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Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

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Unlike the brain, the stomach alerts you when it’s empty.

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I’m a go with the flow kind of gal unless the flow is after 9pm or involves parallel parking.

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She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

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If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in Math class… it never ends.

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I don’t understand, but I also don’t care… so it works out.

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I will always be hotter than everyone who hates me.