Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Reading is a gateway drug to being less stupid.
  • Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
  • The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.
  • Santa keeps a pair of mounted antlers over his fireplace to keep the reindeer from unionizing.
  • Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.
  • You have to be careful about sending your spouse things on social media. You send too many things, next thing you know chores are being redistributed because of “all the free time you clearly have”.