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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Never forget that, just a couple of years ago, people were justifying paying $20,000 for a JPEG of an ape.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Twitter is cigarette for the eyes.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

You are why Superman costumes have warning labels telling you the costume won’t make you fly.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won’t judge you.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Rudolph, with your nose so bright, help me find my phone tonight.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Sex is cool, but have you ever made peace with the horror of being alive.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

What’s a positive thought for beginners? I’ve been getting into optimism lately.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

I think being a hopeless romantic is giving me brain damage.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

I won’t be accepting any parcels for the neighbors in December this year. Last year it was all junk.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Dear brain, please finally learn the difference between hunger and boredom. I’m getting fat.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,730

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

Spotted on Snapchat:

If women came with instructions, men wouldn’t read them anyway.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

The sexual tension between me and a late afternoon coffee to get me through the workday.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.

Spotted on Instagram:

Kinda rude my neighbors live next to me.

Live now on Pinterest:

Gonna take the kids to the planetarium so they can watch YouTube on their phones.

Spotted on Pinterest:

It sucks when you have to stand on an escalator for 30 minutes because of a power cut.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Traveling back in time to proudly inform Benjamin Franklin that my stove has wifi.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

If I’m ever in a coma, please pluck my chin hairs.

Spotted on TikTok:

I’m not sure how long my body can handle this “getting out of bed early in the morning” nonsense.

Am I the only person who would rather almost fall over carrying the shopping than walk a second time?

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about the struggle of carrying groceries, capturing playful frustration.

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Commentary:
"Who needs multiple trips when you can have one epic balancing act! 🛒💃 #LifeIsAnAdventure"

activity, am, carrying, fall, humor, i, over, person, second, shopping, time, walk

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Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

My car is making strange noises but it’s just me singing.

21 shares on Slack this month:

Making fun of bands that only play 3 chords when I don’t even know what a chord is.

25 shares on YouTube this month:

“Don’t shoot your gun at the hurricane” the government says. I’ll do my own research, thanks.

36 shares on Discord this month:

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

84 shares on WeChat this month:

I love how a film can be life-changing for one person and boring for another.

93 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m an over-explainer (I explain things too much).

50 shares on Slack this month:

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

40 shares on Telegram this month:

I love how unforgiving soy sauce is. Cause you know immediately when you did too much with her.

49 shares on Messenger this month:

What archaeologists are really looking for is a hand digging back.

33 shares on Messenger this month:

He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Not only do I turn down my radio to find a house or a parking spot, but I also take off my sunglasses to hear someone better.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Nonchalant men are not for me. I want mine to have a panic attack if we’re not talking.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Can you imagine being a 7th grade girl and being able to see your crush’s bedroom during Zoom math class.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Going to work has backfired on me so many times.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

They say every snowflake is different, as if someone actually checked them.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Can someone please help me, I’m still at the Fyre Festival.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

If I could be in two places at once, I’d be in bed twice.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

I miss the old days back in the 70s, when I didn’t exist.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Every girl is defined by their one lost love. And by that I mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

Every time I do something stupid, my dad stares at my mom like he wants a refund.

Trending via Facebook:

Notifications are a reminder that you exist.

Making waves on Slack:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please put some money in its pocket.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I just want everyone to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

Making waves on Reddit:

Should I ever be mean and insulting, then it comes from the bottom of my heart.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

Trending via Reddit:

If I don’t text you saying Happy New Year, we still gang, I’m just lazy.

Just shared via TikTok:

Gonna get my eye looked at today. Usually it’s the other way around.

Just landed via Threads:

Not wearing glasses anymore, I’ve seen enough.

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Activity Log ✨

Am I the only person who would rather almost fall over carrying the shopping than walk a second time?

“Still gangsta” I whisper to myself as I drink my chamomile tea with a heating pad on my back.

Just realized John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have the same middle name.

If you gain 4 pounds in one weekend, that just means you’re an overachiever.

Girls only want one thing, and it’s to be photographed candidly on 35mm film.

Don’t worry. Artificial intelligence will never replace actual ignorance.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Am I the only person who would rather almost fall over carrying the shopping than walk a second time?

Keep the laugh going 😂

“Still gangsta” I whisper to myself as I drink my chamomile tea with a heating pad on my back.

Just realized John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have the same middle name.

Don’t worry, guys. Together we can eliminate logic and reason on social media. I see some of you are already ahead of the game. Way to go!

If you gain 4 pounds in one weekend, that just means you’re an overachiever.

Girls only want one thing, and it’s to be photographed candidly on 35mm film.

Don’t worry. Artificial intelligence will never replace actual ignorance.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨