Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons, and 85% morons.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Hey, we’re calling off the search party. We found a different guy out there we like more.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

When my husband says he’ll just be a minute, I know I have enough time to watch an entire television series, paint the house, or go on a quest.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Someday I will make a sandwich that will change my life forever.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Bloopers in movie credits is a lost art form.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

If you’re going to walk in my shoes, please also wear my FitBit.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Ctrl Alt delete my fat.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

I admire how time manages to quickly heal wounds but takes forever to remove awkward tan lines.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

If GPT-5 will have ‘Ph.D.-level intelligence’, then GPT-6 will have the intelligence of someone who decided not to get a PhD.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Jan 2, 2026

3,492

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on YouTube:

You ask a girl if she ate, and she gon say, “Yeah, I had my coffee.”

Broadcasted on Threads:

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

There’s nothing more satisfying than the little nap you have after hitting snooze on your alarm.

Spotted on WeChat:

Making her wear those remote-controlled vibrating panties in public so I can inform her when I’m tired and want to leave the party.

Spotted on Messenger:

I don’t mean to say that I drink a lot of coffee, but Colombian farmers have a photo of me in their wallets.

Going viral on Snapchat:

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

Just shared via TikTok:

…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

Trending via WeChat:

If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.

Seen just now on Twitch:

The era where you dropped your phone and your battery flew out was just crazy.

Spotted on YouTube:

I’m feeling very anxious. I think this 7th mug of coffee will take the edge off.

An adult is a person that keeps Ibuprofen in more than one place.

2 months ago

0

An adult is a person that keeps Ibuprofen in more than one place.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the true sign of adulthood: strategically placed Ibuprofen stashes for any unexpected 'adulting' moments 😂💊 Because apparently, being prepared for headaches is the modern-day version of being responsible. Cheers to all the adults out there with their hidden pain relief treasure troves! 🙌"

adult, humor, ibuprofen, life, life skills, medicine, organization, pain, pain relief, person, place, relief, skills

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I never learned to swim because I didn’t think it would ever be more than an hour since I last ate.

0

2 months ago

activity, eat, ever, excuse, fear, hour, humor, i, last, never, procrastination, swim, think
I can’t keep up anymore. Happy birthday to everyone for the rest of your life.

0

2 weeks ago

birthday, celebration, everyone, exhaustion, greeting, happy, humor, i, keep, life, procrastination, rest, sarcasm
“Be the bigger person” sounds too much like “accept the disrespect”.

0

2 months ago

accept, bigger, bigger person, disrespect, growth, humor, irony, much, person, personal, personal growth, self-respect, sounds, too
The amount I’m sighing these days could fuel a small wind farm.

0

2 months ago

amount, days, energy, exhaustion, farm, fuel, humor, sigh, small, wind
Someone was saying that social media makes you miss out on your real life, but have you seen real life?

0

2 months ago

comparison, funny observation, humor, irony, life, life comparison, media, miss, miss out, observation, real, real life, saying, seen, social, social media, someone
Showering at night is so sexy and clean and self-care vibes. Showering in the morning is so productivity core, cog in the machine core.

0

3 months ago

clean, cog, core, machine, morning, night, productivity, self-care, sexy, shower, vibe, vibes

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on Telegram this month:

My running speed is very slow because the Discman wasn’t allowed to shake in the past.

18 shares on YouTube this month:

Every time we try to eat healthy, along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday, and ruins it for us.

17 shares on Discord this month:

The way men eat when they’re single is nothing short of dehumanizing.

61 shares on Threads this month:

“You smell so good!” Okay, so kiss me.

59 shares on Pinterest this month:

You don’t know about stupidity until your female friends open up about their love life.

86 shares on Pinterest this month:

On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

78 shares on TikTok this month:

The difference between the kids table and the adults table during holiday dinners is that there is much more screaming, crying, and arguing at the adults table.

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

“I’ll see” = not coming, never was coming, never even considered it.

95 shares on Telegram this month:

You never forget your first kiss. Or your first meeting with HR.

70 shares on Instagram this month:

Sometimes my body needs to be punished by Taco Bell.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

This is not an empty room, this is a very successful anti-party.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

My house was clean yesterday. Sorry, you missed it.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Have been dipping my toe into doing Pilates, and let me tell you, women are real sickos.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My kids acting shocked there’s ants in my car like they’re not Hansel and Gretel leaving bloody crumb trails.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Relationships: Because sometimes destroying your life is a two person job.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The female rage of having so much to say but refusing to say it, cause their emotional intelligence is too low for them to comprehend it.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

WW3: I can’t fire my weapon unless I first watch a 15-second unskippable ad for Raid Shadow Legends.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

People don’t hate working, they hate working and still being poor.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,724

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Petition to lower the retirement age. I’m tired now.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Every morning I wake up and think I have a hangover, but then I realize I didn’t drink, and this is just how I feel now.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Toddlers negotiate like tiny mob bosses: it’s the hard way or the harder way.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

I haven’t had sex in so long, I forgot how to moan, what if I mess up and bark?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

Jury duty is a wild concept. Whenever the government wants, they can just be like “Call off work, bestie, we need you to solve a murder. Here’s fifteen dollars.”

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

If they can bring back the dire wolf, they can bring back Norm Macdonald.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I take offense when people don’t invite me to events l’d like to turn down.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

How many jokes about lightbulbs does it take to change us?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Our parents used to drop us off at school with no water bottle, no phone and no snacks, yet somehow we survived.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

Just shared via Pinterest:

My favorite Slipknot member is the one who wears the mask.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I’m not into casual sex. Send me a résumé.

Shared recently on Threads:

French is bullshit. They keep changing the translation of ‘soup du jour’ each day.

Trending via Snapchat:

The first step is admitting that the other person is the one with the problem.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I once let a really short guy be the big spoon and it felt like I went to bed with a backpack on.

Just shared via Instagram:

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Sorry I’m late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.

Making waves on Instagram:

I don’t need therapy, I need a bagel with cream cheese.

Spotted on Slack:

Trying to watch a superhero movie without stressing about the infrastructure damage to the city.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴