Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Watch closely, as I perform the disappearing act of a lifetime: making this first date magically transform into the last date! 🎩✨ Who knew dating could be a magic show? 🃏 #AbracadabraGoodbye"

awkward, awkward situation, date, first date, going, humor, joke, last, magic, next, relationship, situation, trick

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58 shares on TikTok this month:

Maybe your baby is crying because it doesn’t like you.

57 shares on Threads this month:

They said, “Enjoy your money because life is short.” Now my money is finished, but I’m still alive.

73 shares on Twitch this month:

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

83 shares on Threads this month:

Slipping into something a little more comfortable (psychosis).

73 shares on Facebook this month:

To cut a long story short, I became a film editor.

84 shares on Messenger this month:

How do I become a billionaire by 9 a.m. Monday? Please, it’s urgent.

82 shares on YouTube this month:

Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

78 shares on TikTok this month:

I can’t work under these festive conditions.

60 shares on Threads this month:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” isn’t a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

10 shares on Snapchat this month:

Can’t. Inventing new things to worry about.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Every day is a D-Day, if you’re a stutterer.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Everyone is using AI to write business emails, texts, etc. At this point in time, we may as well just tell our AIs to talk to each other and then let us know what kind of deal they worked out.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Why do we call it tuna fish? Is there any other tuna out there that’s not a fish?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I love cutting off Teslas. Like you may not let me merge over but your car sure as hell will.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

It’s a shame that the know-it-alls know everything better but don’t do anything better.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

I once had a psychic girlfriend, she left me before we met.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

When I was a little kid, I used to think, “This little pig went to market,” meant it was going shopping!

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Showering & getting in bed is literally one of the best combos ever.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

I’m here by unpopular demand.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

“Beauty sleep” is bullshit. I sleep 14 hours a day and still look like trash.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Having a crush is so stupid. Like, why is this dude in my head at 8 am?

Going viral on Discord:

Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.

Going bananas on Telegram:

No one talks about the resentment you have towards yourself after you didn’t listen to your gut.

Spotted on Slack:

Posing for photos has to be the most basic thing I’m actually terrible at.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I don’t know who needs to hear this right now, but it’s time to fold the laundry that’s been lying around since last Sunday.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.

Seen just now on Messenger:

You can’t ’48 Laws of Power’ me.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

And for my next trick, I’m going to make this first date the last date.

If you have gray in your beard, you can hit it.

I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.

You should just baseline mistrust every single politician at every level until they prove themselves worthy of liking.

The concept of dominant hands is hilarious to me. That one of our hands is just like, “No, I’m not helping.”

You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

And for my next trick, I’m going to make this first date the last date.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If you have gray in your beard, you can hit it.

I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.

You should just baseline mistrust every single politician at every level until they prove themselves worthy of liking.

The concept of dominant hands is hilarious to me. That one of our hands is just like, “No, I’m not helping.”

Stop telling everyone I’m posting from earth. People don’t need to know where I live.

You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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