Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I just sneezed my wife awake from a nap so any discussion about renewing vows is on hold for a bit.
  • Hate how quietly iPhones die. At 5% it should start verbally begging for its life.
  • An evil genius rising to a position of power is bad but it makes sense at least. Feels insulting we’re constantly seeing evil idiots doing it instead.
  • If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.
  • Hi, where do you meet someone without dating apps and if you never leave your apartment? I need tips, please. Urgently!
  • Shuffling into the kitchen in a robe Sunday morning to change the clock on the microwave is the lamest form of time travel ever.