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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick the one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

I wonder how my close personal beloved friend Taylor Swift is doing today.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Dear algorithm, please show this post only to people who have innate psionic abilities and would use their abilities for the betterment of humanity if given a chance.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

There’s some gifs that I’ve started to act out in real life as responses to situations.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Imagine giving someone your heart at Christmas, but the very next day they give it away. Haha, would feel so stupid.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

We need an app where introverts can pay extroverts to make phone calls for them.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

I don’t know who is writing my story, but they got to throw in a win somewhere or put the pen down. I need a break.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

My kidnappers sent me back early with a full apology, some money, and several of their fingers.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Updated

Dec 25, 2025

Users Online

4,009

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

When people ask me what is more important, food or love, I don’t answer because I’m eating.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Let’s ruin each other’s sleep schedules and call it romance.

Just landed via Messenger:

I get easily confused in the morning. Also in the afternoon and evening.

Making waves on X:

Every Sunday is superbowel if you eat enough chili.

Seen just now on Discord:

The trick is to be born in the right place and at the right time. If you mess that up, it gets tedious.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

My wife has a weird habit of starting conversations by saying, “Are you even listening to me?”

Live now on X:

I always thought that aunts had a lot of money. Until I became one myself.

Going viral on Messenger:

It’s getting slide guitar and harmonica hot outside.

Seen just now on Threads:

If I met someone like me, I’d be really concerned for them.

Just landed via YouTube:

If you play guitar in a band, always make sure to look like it hurts to play.

Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

0
Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Is it just me, or is cancer really pulling ahead in the zodiac race? ♋️🏁 Who knew an astrological sign could be such a tough competitor in the mortality department! Watch out, Capricorns and Geminis, Cancer is on a roll! 😉🦀

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Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Pinterest this month:

The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.

24 shares on Reddit this month:

The longer I stay home, the more homeless I look.

30 shares on Discord this month:

I’m looking for friends with benefits. And by that I mean friends who have pools, boats and beautiful vacation homes.

80 shares on Pinterest this month:

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

44 shares on YouTube this month:

And now begins the yearly tradition of writing the incorrect year on everything, for the next 3 months.

55 shares on Twitch this month:

Every cat is a little celebrity to me.

71 shares on Twitch this month:

Men used to smoke Marlboros. Now they cry when they lose their strawberry cheesecake vape.

39 shares on Twitch this month:

I think I’ll just let my jazz hands speak for themselves.

64 shares on YouTube this month:

Your secret is safe with me and my sister.

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

Overthinking should at least burn calories.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately, I’m not nonchalant or mysterious. I’m just a naturally awkward person who becomes talkative once I’m comfortable.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Is there a rehab for introverts who try to extrovert? Asking for a friend.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Have you tried just not thinking about it? Like, ever again?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes it’s not a secret, it’s just none of your business.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I love sleeping so much that it is the first thing I think about when I wake up.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I applied for a job and got it, and now I really have to go there. Crap!

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The thing I hate most about my stationary bike is having to pick it up and turn it around for the return trip.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Money will not leave you on read for 9 hours.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Updated

Dec 25, 2025

Users Online

3,761

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Just seen a guy with a Coca-Cola and yellow Lay’s chips. Classic combo, he knows his stuff.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

My last straw is way longer than I thought.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Unfortunately, a great many problems in life can be solved by just being hotter.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

My favorite thing to do on the weekend is not leave my house.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Can someone please fix the algorithm of my life?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Kinda sucks that the prize for washing your laundry is getting to fold your laundry.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Have you ever apologized to your car after you hit a pothole?

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

When there’s food around, our cat is like an adorable, fluffy shark circling round.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

I’m looking for insults so intelligent you don’t realize you’ve been roasted until three thoughts later.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on YouTube:

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am at work.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Imagine being all knowing and still putting a snake in charge of apples.

Shared recently on TikTok:

There’s no way the Scooby Doo gang never found a dead body.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a break after sending one email.

Just shared via Messenger:

Sports are better when you have hate in your heart.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

You see how in cartoons, when they’re hungry, their friends start looking like a chicken leg? That’s how ovulation feels.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

You are why Superman costumes have warning labels telling you the costume won’t make you fly.

Just shared via Threads:

Drugs and alcohol take years off your life and give them to Keith Richards.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Some things are better left unsaid, but people get drunk and say them anyway.

Going viral on Threads:

If I was a priest, I’d make my side of the confession booth really big so I could run around.

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