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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Having a conversation with me is kind of like taking the scenic route.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Flip me over like a cassette tape, and play me again.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

I love my bodyguard. I would take a bullet for him.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Your card declining when you know you have money is a very funny experience.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Don’t talk to me about regrets if you’ve never had someone’s name tattooed on you.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

My son loves Monty Python. My work here is done.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

To bed then. To bed with you! Guards, take him to my bed!

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew that I wanted to be late for work.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

I want my boyfriend to be so hot strangers know he’s not funny.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

245 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,514

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,514

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,442

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Why is everyone so chill about parrots being able to talk? That’s a whole animal. Talking.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.

Going bananas on Telegram:

If I text you an accordion emoji, it means you better start acting accordingly.

Just shared via YouTube:

The true horror genre: my old Facebook statuses.

Just shared via TikTok:

I love replying “Need him” when someone posts their boyfriend on their Instagram story.

Going bananas on Threads:

Was that meant to be a joke or did you just accidentally spill a bunch of words you were carrying around?

Just landed via Facebook:

Non-parents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he would obey.

Spotted on WeChat:

Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Sorry for the things I said when I thought you weren’t listening.

Just landed via X:

All of my problems boil down to me being bad at being alive.

Avoid calls from pesky bill collectors by not paying your phone bill.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a phone bill when you have carrier pigeons? 🐦📞 Dodging bill collectors like a pro! 😂💸 #FinancialHacks"

advice, avoid, avoid calls, bill, bill collector, calls, collector, funny advice, humor, phone, phone bill

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

0

1 week ago

before, compliment, cool, dark, dark humor, executioner, humor, i, irony, last, last words, met, unexpected, unexpected compliment, wish, words
When I say “I hate drama”, I mean I hate being involved in drama. Other people’s drama? Big fan!

0

2 months ago

being, big, context, drama, fan, hate, humor, i, involvement, mean, people, say
Applying for jobs sometimes is wild, like how am I supposed to be passionate about a company I don’t even work for yet?

0

2 months ago

am, application, career, company, employment, even, humor, hunt, i, interview, job, job application, job hunt, jobs, passion, wild, work
Mindfulness is out. We’re doing drugs again.

0

2 months ago

again, doing, drugs, health, humor, irony, mental, mental health, mindfulness, recreational, satire
“Are you ok?” Of course not. Next question!

0

2 months ago

feeling, honesty, humor, ok, question, response, sarcasm
In all the movies, Santa never goes to the house directly next door. He always gets in his sleigh and flies off like 20 miles east.

0

1 week ago

20, always, Christmas, door, east, flight, holiday, house, humor, miles, movie, neighbor, never, next, Santa, sleigh

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on Telegram this month:

Did anyone else use grocery bags as textbook covers, or was I just that poor?

85 shares on TikTok this month:

I was so excited thinking tomorrow was Friday only to find out it is definitely not Friday.

41 shares on Telegram this month:

If you don’t have at least one white friend named “Matt”, then you are Matt.

47 shares on WeChat this month:

“I’ll run it by the boss” is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.

46 shares on Discord this month:

A garlic a day keeps people away.

91 shares on Telegram this month:

Plot twist: a Mission Impossible movie where the mission is in fact impossible.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

Food gives you energy to nap more.

30 shares on Facebook this month:

You know what I never see anymore are those old alcoholics with the weird noses.

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

Who called it a heatwave and not a temperature tantrum?

23 shares on X this month:

Oh really? We’ll see what the same six people who always agree with me think about that.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Reverse cowgirl so he doesn’t see the double chin.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

It’s called shitposting, Your Honor. You should try it sometimes; it’s liberating.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Just done a HIIT workout and if anyone sees me trying to do that again just go ahead and hiit me in the face.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

I get easily confused in the morning. Also in the afternoon and evening.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

AI is that friend who is always there for you but gives terrible advice.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Turns out the honeymoon phase lasts forever when you pick the right partner.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

If you’re lost in the woods, start talking loudly about politics. Someone will come to argue with you.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

This Monday is Mondaying like it’s never Mondayed before.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Narcissus fell in love with his own image, but was immediately annoyed at how it always tried to talk while he was talking.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

There should be a zoo that has people from every country in it.

Making waves on YouTube:

Sleeping in now means waking up without the alarm clock, but still at the same time.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Let the example of my fluke success guide nearly all of you to crushing disappointment.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I tell people I rearrange my furniture to change things up, but we all know it’s to annoy my husband.

Just shared via X:

We all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics).

Trending via Instagram:

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Maybe I died of Covid in 2020, and this is hell.

Spotted on Instagram:

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

Making waves on Threads:

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

Trending via Twitch:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Avoid calls from pesky bill collectors by not paying your phone bill.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

When I say “I hate drama”, I mean I hate being involved in drama. Other people’s drama? Big fan!

Applying for jobs sometimes is wild, like how am I supposed to be passionate about a company I don’t even work for yet?

Mindfulness is out. We’re doing drugs again.

“Are you ok?” Of course not. Next question!

In all the movies, Santa never goes to the house directly next door. He always gets in his sleigh and flies off like 20 miles east.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨