Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Set my sex robot to boyfriend mode and now it’s liking other girls’ pictures on Insta.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Dear ads, I have the buying power of a Victorian milkmaid.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Everybody hates me for being a beautiful angel with a perfect soul.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Look, ice cream has eggs in it, therefore it is a breakfast food.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

How do I tell Instagram I don’t want to see guys almost eaten by gators?

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Me, at the intervention: “Ah look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place.”

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

The first person to realize you can eat bone marrow must have really hated that cow.

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My favorite dinner is the one made by someone else.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

My passport probably thinks I’m in prison.