Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Inventor of pink lemonade: yes, exactly the same, but cute and for the girls.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

And is this “year-end bonus” in the room with us right now?

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

We can’t both age regress at the same time — someone’s gonna have to push me on the swingset.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Back to work after the long holiday weekend, so you’re finally away from the relatives you don’t like, and back with the co-workers you don’t like.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

I enjoy long walks up and down my stairs trying to remember what I was supposed to be doing.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

At my age I don’t sleep, I nap between pee breaks.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

One day you’re cool and then the next, you realize your favorite pair of pants are sweatpants from the grocery store.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Deleting the paragraph you wrote and texting back “ok” is a different type of self-control.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

I’ve asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Work again? Really? Didn’t I just do that yesterday?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

777 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,939

Funny Quotes Topics

13,912

Funny Quotes Images

10,939

55 minutes ago

3,429

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

After having a week off, my boss returns to work today. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Damn, all this overthinking and I still be making dumb decisions.

Just landed via TikTok:

I know it hurts like hell, and you don’t think you can do it, but it’s just one push-up.

Just shared via Instagram:

When society eventually breaks down and we are left to rebuild civilization, I hope there are people who still know how to make cheese.

Seen just now on Slack:

One day I’ll do amazing things. Today I’ll be satisfied if I don’t spill food on my lap.

Just landed via Threads:

Just spoke to my wife while the internet was down. She seems nice. She’s a nurse apparently.

Just landed via Facebook:

I have three full closets of nothing to wear.

Live now on WeChat:

Two words have helped me open a lot of doors in my life. Push and Pull.

Spotted on Slack:

Turns out I like you a lot more than I originally planned.

Making waves on Threads:

That awkward moment when you spend an hour online picking out a gift for your friend’s son’s birthday and Amazon tells you it’s been a year since you bought this item.

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

6 months ago

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🌲🐿️🧹✨ "Disney really had us all fooled with their princess movies, making us believe that a catchy tune and an open window would lead to woodland creatures doing our chores. I don't know about you, but my neighborhood squirrels are not interested in folding laundry anytime soon!" 😂 #DisneyMagicGoneWrong 🎶

clean, creature, creatures, Disney, help, humor, i, just, laundry, me, set, sing, standards, unrealistic, unrealistic standards, window, woodland, woodland creature

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

777 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,939

Funny Quotes Topics

13,912

Funny Quotes Images

10,939

55 minutes ago

3,436

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Everybody’s back hurts until it’s time to have sexy time.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

If you pick a movie that’s longer than the flight, the pilot gets a notification to fly around for a bit.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

I like to just appear out of nowhere and say, “this looks like a job for a binder clip.”

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

If you look close enough, everyone is insane.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Micro-dosing time travel by going to bed.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

My favorite things about Texas are definitely toast and chainsaw massacres.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

I can’t be the only person who thinks the presidential debate should be performed as a rap battle.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

If we’re walking together, just know I’ll definitely bump into you because I can’t walk in a straight line.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

Need someone to feed me Doritos while I read, so I don’t mess up the pages. No weirdos.

Just landed via Discord:

I’m the ick in fantastic.

Seen just now on Instagram:

It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

Just shared via WeChat:

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Me, telling my kids we’re leaving in 30 minutes: We’re leaving in 5 minutes.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Coffee, because I don’t have time for a manslaughter charge.

Just landed via Twitch:

Cracking the ice cubes out probably feels so good for the ice tray.

Just shared via Facebook:

I don’t like the person I become when I’m alone in the break room with a box of donuts.

Spotted on Slack:

They need to invent a job for people who aren’t good at anything nor motivated nor social.

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