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Commentary:
"Remember, it's 'Drive as I say, not as I drive.' 🚗💨 Translation: Do as I instruct, not as I exhibit my amazing parallel parking skills. 🤣"

advice, drive, driving, humor, i, irony, rules, say

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My family passed down mood swings and anxiety instead of money or houses.

0

4 months ago

anxiety, family, health, house, houses, humor, inheritance, mental, mental health, money, mood, mood swing, swing, swings
I absolutely loooooove getting in the bed. The excitement of finally laying down? Unmatched.

0

2 months ago

absolutely, bed, bedtime, comfort, excitement, getting, i, laying, laying down, love, relaxation
Old people be like, “No elbows on the table, it’s rude,” then say something racist.

0

2 months ago

elbow, elbows, etiquette, hypocrisy, old, old person, people, person, racism, racist, rude, say, social, social etiquette, something, table
You don’t know about stupidity until your female friends open up about their love life.

0

2 months ago

dating, female, female friend, friend, friends, friendship, humor, know, life, love, love life, open, sarcasm, stupidity
Some people are living bowel movement to bowel movement.

0

2 months ago

bowel, bowel movement, daily, daily routine, humor, life, living, movement, people, routine
Shouldn’t autocorrect be called autoassume?

0

2 months ago

assumptions, autoassume, autocorrect, humor, language, technology

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Instagram this month:

Offering friendship as a consolation prize for a failed romantic connection attempt is absolutely cruel.

62 shares on WeChat this month:

You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

75 shares on Slack this month:

I’m one of those lucky people that can eat whatever they want and not put on any clothes.

77 shares on Threads this month:

My sleeping pattern isn’t even a pattern anymore. It’s a lifestyle.

54 shares on Threads this month:

Okay, seen enough, someone put a blanket over my cage.

53 shares on WhatsApp this month:

All my favorite activities involve a mattress.

87 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ll never be badass enough to walk around chewing on a toothpick.

29 shares on Discord this month:

“Some things are better left unsaid,” I think to myself immediately after I hit send.

94 shares on Threads this month:

It’s true that I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name, but for my return trip, I rented a camel named Carl.

79 shares on X this month:

To cut a long story short, I became a film editor.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

I think my phone is broken. I pressed the home button, but I’m still at work.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

When someone yells stop I don’t know whether it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

“The engine light is on!” Yeah, that means it’s working.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Why is it called “free time” when I use it to spend all my money?

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

You gotta wonder why they just don’t make all bread garlic bread.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Outlook just asked me if I’m “enjoying” Microsoft Outlook. As if it’s not the Torment Portal.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Please stop adding touchscreens to cars. Most of these idiots can barely drive as it is.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

My thighs are bigger than my chances in life.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Fishing for compliments like “I’m a mess in this photo that I took all morning to get the right angle and filter and after 50 selfies this is me”.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Should we all just give up and get really into drugs? Wait, this is literally what happened in the 60s. That just clicked for me.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Make it a habit to cry and act unhinged at meetings so you’re never invited back.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I suck at charging my phone, 21 percent charged, and I’m taking it off so I can lay the other way.

Just landed via TikTok:

No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

People don’t have demonically glowing red eyes in photographs like they used to.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Before we all die from nuclear war or a global climate crisis, can we get a little alien invasion as a treat.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I’ll rewind a movie, get on my phone, and miss the same part.

Making waves on Twitch:

Humans can accomplish so much, unless it’s parking at a shopping center during the holidays.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Watching my wife absolutely hate my daughter’s boyfriend while being nice and hospitable to him has made me question every interaction I’ve had with another human being in my life.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Your coworker is not hot; they’re just within 10 feet of you 40 hours a week.

Trending via Facebook:

If anyone is still on Facebook, please check on my parents.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Drive as I say, not as I drive.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My family passed down mood swings and anxiety instead of money or houses.

I absolutely loooooove getting in the bed. The excitement of finally laying down? Unmatched.

Old people be like, “No elbows on the table, it’s rude,” then say something racist.

You don’t know about stupidity until your female friends open up about their love life.

Some people are living bowel movement to bowel movement.

Shouldn’t autocorrect be called autoassume?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨