Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Seems like someone's embracing the 'designated driver' role quite enthusiastically! 🚗🍻 Just remember, DUI can also stand for: Definitely Using (a) Ride! 😄 #SafetyFirst"

alcohol, driving, DUI, humor, i, joke, responsibility, safety, Uber

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

He died doing what he did best, trying to get a croc to wear a Croc.

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2 months ago

animal, attempt, best, croc, died, doing, fashion, humor, irony, trying
Being abducted by aliens could be just the vacation I need right now.

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2 months ago

abduction, adventure, aliens, being, escape, extraterrestrial, humor, i, just, need, relaxation, right, vacation
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

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2 months ago

book, careful, caution, death, die, health, health book, humor, irony, life, misprint, reading
You should get a pension for having to go to school for so many years.

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2 months ago

education, having, humor, learning, life, pension, school, should, student, year’s
My two moods are eating a breakfast sandwich or wishing I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

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2 months ago

breakfast, craving, eating, food, humor, i, mood, moods, sandwich, wishing
I wonder if Mary and Joseph hated putting away the Christmas stuff as much as I do.

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2 months ago

away, Christmas, decorations, holiday, humor, i, Joseph, Mary, much, procrastination, putting, putting away, relatable, stuff, wonder

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on TikTok this month:

Getting tired without doing anything is an art form.

40 shares on Instagram this month:

If you call me “daddy” in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.

26 shares on Discord this month:

I’ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and I’d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

84 shares on Messenger this month:

Sorry I’m late, there was bubble wrap.

28 shares on X this month:

People my age are on baby #2, and I’m on drink #5.

90 shares on Facebook this month:

I do not support all women. Some of you are very mean for no reason.

84 shares on Snapchat this month:

Might lay here until someone draws my chalk outline.

100 shares on Messenger this month:

When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works.

58 shares on Telegram this month:

Getting accused of using AI when you didn’t is like this century’s version of a witch allegation.

99 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t have red flags, I have fun facts.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

All of my passwords are protected by short-term memory loss.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

So why is it that when Star Trek ‘boldly go where no one has gone before’ they always find someone there?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Do crabs underwater think that fishes fly?

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

I wish I could be as excited about being awake as my dog is about me being awake.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

I googled my symptoms, and I just need a day with you in the mountains.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

I’m going to get some steel wool so I can crochet myself a new car.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Having siblings is so important because you learn the exact amount you can annoy someone before they try to physically kill you.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

I can’t wait to go to bed, get terrible sleep, and wake up exhausted with a sore back.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Food gives you energy to nap more.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

Why don’t straight men and lesbians hang out like straight women and gays do?

Seen just now on Twitch:

I don’t do anything with my life except romanticize and decay with indecision.

Trending via YouTube:

Defeating imposter syndrome by actually being incompetent.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Sorry, I can’t today. I have to sit in my room and make matters worse.

Breaking via X:

If I could do it all over again, I would ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Yeah, the planet is dying. The government hates us. The animals are leaving. The aliens aren’t contacting us. We might be alone. It just might be you and me.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Offering someone food, and secretly hoping, they don’t want it.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Who is this Rorschach guy and where did he get all the pictures of my parents fighting?

Just landed via Threads:

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

“Listen to your body!” Okay, well, my body wants to lay down and eat snacks all day.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

DUI stands for: don’t Uber, I got this.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

He died doing what he did best, trying to get a croc to wear a Croc.

Being abducted by aliens could be just the vacation I need right now.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

You should get a pension for having to go to school for so many years.

My two moods are eating a breakfast sandwich or wishing I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

I wonder if Mary and Joseph hated putting away the Christmas stuff as much as I do.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨