Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Like many men my age, my biggest regret is hiring the inexpensive hitman.
  • You ever get into such a weird mood you have to put yourself on house arrest for a couple days?
  • Spice up your anxiety attack by playing the Jaws theme song.
  • In my opinion, those who go jogging on a Sunday morning certainly don’t have a comfortable sofa.
  • Asbestos? I’m doing asbestos I can.
  • If your drinking story doesn’t involve law enforcement, I’m not listening.