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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

There are two types of people in the world, those who have to go to Walmart, and those who get to go to Walmart.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

I’ve reached a point in my life where if I can’t find parking, I’m just going to go home.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

When they have a dream sequence in a movie, how do they film the person’s dream?

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

God: “You’re all a bunch of bastards and I should never have created you.”

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

I hate when I’m trying to spell a word, and my phone can’t do it either.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Unfortunately, it only strengthens my spirit when the summer people mourn their terrible season.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

The only thing you can count on with some people is that you can’t count on them.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

There’s no better feeling than coming home and immediately changing into your Adam Sandler fit.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

No matter how sad you are, there is some form of potato that can make it better.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,727

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Loving her was my second biggest mistake. Not buying Bitcoins in 2010 still remains the first.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

If you shouldn’t go food shopping when you’re hungry, then you should definitely not go clothes shopping when you’re naked. Trust me on this.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Perhaps the best thing about getting older is that I no longer want to know everything.

Just shared via Twitch:

The goal is to make your therapist cry.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I wish my life could have a stats screen but for things I care about. Like how many English Muffins with peanut butter I’ve eaten.

Just shared via Twitch:

They say we learn from our mistakes. That’s why I’m making as many as possible… I’ll be a genius soon.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.

Trending via Twitch:

I’ve never met a garlic bread I didn’t get on with.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

No revenge, because losing someone like me is enough.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Sometimes I miss the time when there was only one idiot per village.

Everyone knows that Christmas is the celebration of the immaculate conception of Mariah Carey.

4 weeks ago

Witty text highlighting Christmas humor about Mariah Carey's iconic status.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, yes, the immaculate conception of Mariah Carey, the undisputed queen of Christmas 🎄👑 It's the time of the year where we all come together to worship her iconic holiday tunes and hit those high notes while attempting to decorate our trees with half the glam she brings to the stage 🎶✨ Bow down to the diva of the season, for her music is the true miracle that embodies the spirit of Christmas! 🎅🎶

carey, celebration, Christmas, conception, everyone, humor, immaculate, immaculate conception, knows, mariah, Mariah Carey

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Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on Instagram this month:

The only thing keeping me from world domination is a good nap.

72 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I didn’t forget about you; my algorithm did.

66 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

73 shares on YouTube this month:

I highly recommend having hobbies. It distracts you from things like falling in love.

66 shares on X this month:

When gearing up for a mountain climbing adventure it is important to remember to no.

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

Everyone tells me “take care”, but no one tells me why.

42 shares on Reddit this month:

“Out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t work for donuts.

31 shares on Threads this month:

I prefer people who actually know what’s going on.

81 shares on Instagram this month:

Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages. This is called the Wurst Käse scenario.

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m so bored of being bored, because being bored is really boring.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to middle age. You now take pictures of instructions so you can enlarge them.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Winnie the Pooh had the right idea in this goddam heat. Crop top with his honey pot facing the world.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If my family starts talking politics at Thanksgiving, I’m changing the subject by announcing I’m pregnant.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever read something so magnificently stupid that you have to just stare into space for a little while and reconcile with your brain for having been subjected to it?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

At my next job, I’m gonna lie about having a kid so I can leave the office anytime I want like everyone else with children.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

How do you tell someone that you will probably end up marrying them, but in a casual way?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Are you just gonna go with the flow until you spiral down the drain?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If someone drunk texts you, appreciate it. They’ve thought of you when they can barely think straight.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Showing up late with an iced coffee is not about poor time management, it’s about knowing how to make an entrance.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I enjoy long walks in the woods, but only because there’s a chance I’ll get eaten by a bear.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,300

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Being an adult is crazy. Because what the hell is going on?

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

If you have gray in your beard, you can hit it.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Don’t interrupt me while I’m embarrassing myself.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

Some people should have read-only access to the internet.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

I think adults need summer vacation. Like, let’s just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I’m so tired.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

I’m in my thirties, but I still feel like I am in my twenties; then I hang out with people in their twenties, and I’m like nope, definitely in my thirties.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Water bottle leaking in your bag is a top 10 worst experience.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Twitter is cigarette for the eyes.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

All my life lessons were learned by watching people who took my advice.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

I always imagined WWIII would be Earth vs. aliens.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

Am I the only person who hates spending the night at someone’s place? Like, we can hang out until 3 a.m., but I’m still going home.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

People shouldn’t be at the grocery store the same time as me. Get out of the way.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Resting bitch face saves me from so many conversations I don’t want to be part of.

Seen just now on Telegram:

The light at the end of the tunnel is only the headlight of the oncoming train.

Making waves on Reddit:

Happiness is an inside job.

Trending via Threads:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

Going viral on Facebook:

Vatican City should be called Popenhagen.

Trending via Reddit:

The only thing faster than an escalator is an escasooner.

Going bananas on Facebook:

If you push your belly button and nose at the same time, your brain takes a screenshot.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

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