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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Do you ever eat a properly salted meal and suddenly understand why the ancient Romans were willing to be paid in salt?

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

I put my pants on like everyone else. With hope they still fit.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

I need a Netflix show called: “Background noise while you scroll on your phone.”

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

The best part about having a crush is when they crush all your hopes and dreams.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I say “long story short,” and suddenly we’re in Act III with an intermission.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Bluesky honestly feels like a miracle where you take the most annoying people in the world and stick them in a broken elevator together.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Not to brag, but I’ve done nothing for several hours.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

“I’m a very sleepy person, just at all the wrong times.”

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,552

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

Someone asked me if I had plans for the fall. It took me a moment to realize they meant “Autumn,” not the collapse of civilization.

Just shared via X:

Whoever allowed me to become an adult needs to be fired.

Spotted on WeChat:

I am so full of love and anger, like a lava lamp.

Just shared via Telegram:

I’m a big fan of that post-laundry feeling when you’ve got all your A-list clothes back in the game.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

Live now on Pinterest:

The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Marriage is for life. But when that was first said, life was shorter.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Life hack: Allow yourself 8–12 hours of alone time every morning to prepare for the day.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Dear everyone. Upset, bored, angry or hungry. I’m here for you. Sincerely, fridge.

Live now on Pinterest:

My budget for this month is a smile, and I don’t know how long that will last.

Expiration date? More like spoiler alert.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about ignoring expiration dates with a humorous, playful vibe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Expiration date? Nah, more like a gentle reminder that your food is playing hard-to-get 😉🚫🥑 #SpoilerAlert #FreshnessGoneMissing"

alert, date, expiration, expiration date, food, humor, jokes, spoiler, spoiler alert

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30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If she says “you are my world” remember there are other planets. Stay alert, kings!

91 shares on Facebook this month:

There is no bigger lie than “fun for the whole family”.

25 shares on X this month:

My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

31 shares on Reddit this month:

The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.

25 shares on WeChat this month:

Fall fashion: where we all transform into stylish, toasty marshmallows!

96 shares on TikTok this month:

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

78 shares on Threads this month:

I do not like how Netflix threatens to start the movie while I’m just tryna read the description. Like, please, you’re making me anxious.

51 shares on Messenger this month:

You ever cleaned a room in your house so good that you walked out… just to walk back in to see your work?

20 shares on Threads this month:

Maybe God will gift me a boyfriend for my birthday this year.

15 shares on X this month:

Deleting university to focus on Twitter.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Unfortunately, it only strengthens my spirit when the summer people mourn their terrible season.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

I have never in my life learned from another person’s mistakes, I would literally let a giant wooden horse into my house right this second.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Isn’t it beautiful how ‘Bruh’ has stood the test of time all these years.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

The lion does not concern himself with the check engine light.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Gender and sexuality aside, I believe everyone just wants someone who wears short shorts and makes a lot of noise in bed.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

I hate when I lose things at work, like my favorite pen or my will to live.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

And once again my day begins without a red carpet! Guys, I’m really disappointed in you.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

You know Santa isn’t real because no man over 40 is out past 9PM.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Feeling feral. Better make some mac and cheese.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Work can be tiring at times, and you might feel like quitting. But remember those plane tickets.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

The horror: “Come on, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

Seen just now on YouTube:

Social media has given everyone a chance to be heard, and it was a gigantic mistake.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I put the dance in “Good riddance!”

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

A bird just flew into our glass door. Іt’s not dead. Just really embarrassed.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.

Breaking via WeChat:

Part of fatherhood is becoming an expert in some obscure topic and teaching it to your children who stopped listening 30 minutes ago.

Just landed via Twitch:

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

Shared recently on Pinterest:

It’s okay to admit you want my lips on yours.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

They say “When you snooze, you lose”… I say “When you take a nappy, you are happy.”

Just shared via Pinterest:

Any tips on being smart? For someone just getting into thinking.

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Expiration date? More like spoiler alert.

No, don’t worry about him, babe. That’s just my soulmate.

The void screams into me.

If your cat has ever accidentally fallen into the tub while you were taking bath, you’ve known chaos.

Can’t wait to overuse the “My husband said,” “Let me phone my husband,” “I’ll ask my husband.”

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

The nicest thing I’ve done for a date is turn up.

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Expiration date? More like spoiler alert.

Keep the laugh going 😂

No, don’t worry about him, babe. That’s just my soulmate.

The void screams into me.

If your cat has ever accidentally fallen into the tub while you were taking bath, you’ve known chaos.

Can’t wait to overuse the “My husband said,” “Let me phone my husband,” “I’ll ask my husband.”

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

The nicest thing I’ve done for a date is turn up.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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