33 Funny ago quotes

• Not to brag, but I boiled the right amount of pasta. Once. Five years ago.

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  2 weeks ago

  achievement, ago, amount, brag, bragging, cooking, five, humor, i, measurement, memory, once, pasta, right, time

• You were promised to me 3,000 years ago.

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  4 weeks ago

  ago, ancient, exaggeration, humor, love, me, promise, relationship, time

• Fifteen years ago, makeup was all powders and dusts. But now, it’s all goo and liquid. From this, I can infer that by 2040, it will all be made of pigmented gases.

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  1 month ago

  ago, change, cosmetic, future, gas, humor, i, liquid, makeup, pigmented, pigmented gas, powder, prediction, technology

• We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

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  1 month ago

  20, access, age, ago, anyone, digital, digital age, experience, hard, humor, internet, internet user, new, old, old internet, online, online access, sarcasm, should, stupid, technology, too, usability, used, user, user experience

• Ignored the small door that appeared in my apartment three days ago, and now it’s gone. That’s how it’s done.

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  1 month ago

  ago, apartment, days, disappearance, done, door, event, gone, humor, ignored, ignoring, mystery, small, small door, three, unexpected, unexpected event

• How I clean my room: 1. Start in one corner. 2. Find something from six years ago and stare at it nostalgically for five hours. 3. Go to bed.

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  1 month ago

  1, 2, 3, ago, bed, bedtime, clean, cleaning, corner, distraction, five, hours, humor, i, memory, nostalgia, procrastination, room, six, something, stare, start, vintage

• A couple of years ago, the internet was an escape from the real world. Today, the real world is an escape from the internet.

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  1 month ago

  ago, couple, digital, digital life, escape, humor, internet, irony, life, media, modern, modern life, real, real world, social, social media, technology, today, world

• Lois Lane said, “Clark?” like she didn’t just make out with that same jawline in spandex twelve hours ago.

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  1 month ago

  ago, clark, Clark Kent, hours, humor, jawline, just, kent, kiss, lane, lois, Lois Lane, relationship, romance, said, same, spandex, superhero

• 89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

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  1 month ago

  ago, communication, daily, daily life, five, great, humor, husband, i, leave, life, marriage, me, means, minutes, relationship, sarcasm, time, timing, wife

• I mostly stopped responding to emails three years ago, and aside from various consequences, it’s been fine.

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  1 month ago

  ago, consequence, consequences, email, emails, fine, humor, i, procrastination, responding, response, silence, stopped, three

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