31 Funny ago quotes — Wordgag ツ

Fifteen years ago, makeup was all powders and dusts. But now, it’s all goo and liquid. From this, I can infer that by 2040, it will all be made of pigmented gases.

2 weeks ago

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

2 weeks ago

Ignored the small door that appeared in my apartment three days ago, and now it’s gone. That’s how it’s done.

2 weeks ago

How I clean my room: 1. Start in one corner. 2. Find something from six years ago and stare at it nostalgically for five hours. 3. Go to bed.

2 weeks ago

A couple of years ago, the internet was an escape from the real world. Today, the real world is an escape from the internet.

2 weeks ago

Lois Lane said, “Clark?” like she didn’t just make out with that same jawline in spandex twelve hours ago.

2 weeks ago

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

2 weeks ago

I mostly stopped responding to emails three years ago, and aside from various consequences, it’s been fine.

2 weeks ago

The porn bots liking my posts from years ago is just reminding me that I’ve always been hilarious.

2 weeks ago

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

2 weeks ago

Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.

2 weeks ago

My phone storage is full so I guess it’s time to delete the 27 second video I took of a spiderweb four years ago.

2 weeks ago

Sorry I missed your call 8 months ago. Is everything okay?

2 weeks ago

If you bought 1 Bitcoin ten years ago, it would now be worth 1 Bitcoin. Let that sink in.

2 weeks ago

Every year I realize how dumb I was a year ago.

2 weeks ago

November moving quicker than two lesbians who met three days ago.

2 weeks ago

There is certainly no life on other planets. Otherwise our government would have sent money there long ago.

2 weeks ago

I wasn’t feeling well so I googled my symptoms. I either have allergies or I died two days ago.

2 weeks ago

Many years ago, I stood up to 100-200 million others only to sit in meetings now.

2 weeks ago

LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.

2 weeks ago

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

2 weeks ago

Broke my work phone. I can’t talk on it anymore. I should have done this a long time ago.

2 weeks ago

80 years ago we would have all been institutionalized and I think that’s beautiful.

3 weeks ago

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

3 weeks ago

I only go on LinkedIn to see what my coworkers looked like 15 years ago.

3 weeks ago

150 years ago, you could just fake your death and go overseas and live a completely different life if you didn’t like the way the cards were originally dealt.

3 weeks ago3 weeks ago

I’m liking your IG photo from 8 days ago because IG just showed me today!

1 month ago1 month ago

Never forget that, just a couple of years ago, people were justifying paying $20,000 for a JPEG of an ape.

3 months ago3 months ago

A long time ago, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody is crazy.

4 months ago4 months ago

I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

4 months ago4 months ago

Just got revenge on someone who wronged me many, many years ago. Never relax, I’m coming.

4 months ago4 months ago