37 funny ago quotes - Wordgag

A long time ago, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody is crazy.

May 30, 2026

I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

May 30, 2026

Just got revenge on someone who wronged me many, many years ago. Never relax, I’m coming.

May 30, 2026

People who don’t have Twitter are trying to show you stuff you laughed at a month ago.

May 29, 2026

Sure, you can invite more people to the plans we made 2 months ago. The more, the merrier. Also, I’m not going now.

May 29, 2026

It’s funny how everyone who was all about Christmas a week ago is suddenly into New Year’s now.

May 29, 2026

I will trust someone on Reddit from 11 years ago with my life before using ChatGPT for anything.

May 29, 2026

Not to brag, but I boiled the right amount of pasta. Once. Five years ago.

May 29, 2026

You were promised to me 3,000 years ago.

May 29, 2026

Fifteen years ago, makeup was all powders and dusts. But now, it’s all goo and liquid. From this, I can infer that by 2040, it will all be made of pigmented gases.

May 28, 2026

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

May 28, 2026

Ignored the small door that appeared in my apartment three days ago, and now it’s gone. That’s how it’s done.

May 28, 2026

How I clean my room: 1. Start in one corner. 2. Find something from six years ago and stare at it nostalgically for five hours. 3. Go to bed.

May 28, 2026

A couple of years ago, the internet was an escape from the real world. Today, the real world is an escape from the internet.

May 28, 2026

Lois Lane said, “Clark?” like she didn’t just make out with that same jawline in spandex twelve hours ago.

May 28, 2026

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

May 27, 2026

I mostly stopped responding to emails three years ago, and aside from various consequences, it’s been fine.

May 27, 2026

The porn bots liking my posts from years ago is just reminding me that I’ve always been hilarious.

May 27, 2026

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

May 27, 2026

Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.

May 26, 2026

My phone storage is full so I guess it’s time to delete the 27 second video I took of a spiderweb four years ago.

May 25, 2026

Sorry I missed your call 8 months ago. Is everything okay?

May 25, 2026

If you bought 1 Bitcoin ten years ago, it would now be worth 1 Bitcoin. Let that sink in.

May 24, 2026

Every year I realize how dumb I was a year ago.

May 24, 2026

November moving quicker than two lesbians who met three days ago.

May 24, 2026

There is certainly no life on other planets. Otherwise our government would have sent money there long ago.

May 23, 2026

I wasn’t feeling well so I googled my symptoms. I either have allergies or I died two days ago.

May 23, 2026

Many years ago, I stood up to 100-200 million others only to sit in meetings now.

May 23, 2026

LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.

May 23, 2026

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

May 23, 2026

Broke my work phone. I can’t talk on it anymore. I should have done this a long time ago.

May 23, 2026

80 years ago we would have all been institutionalized and I think that’s beautiful.

May 22, 2026

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

May 22, 2026

I only go on LinkedIn to see what my coworkers looked like 15 years ago.

May 22, 2026

150 years ago, you could just fake your death and go overseas and live a completely different life if you didn’t like the way the cards were originally dealt.

May 20, 2026

I’m liking your IG photo from 8 days ago because IG just showed me today!

May 19, 2026

Never forget that, just a couple of years ago, people were justifying paying $20,000 for a JPEG of an ape.

May 19, 2026