98 Funny child quotes

• Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.

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  1 week ago

  brag, child, children, communication, everything, humor, i, irony, knowledge, parenting, today, told

• I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

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  2 weeks ago

  child, children, ed, family, humor, husband, multitasking, opinion, parenting, phone, pregnancy, run, scrolling, sex, sex ed, should, strong, taught, third, through, weeks, while, wild, woman

• My father didn’t want kids, so he had two kids, which was the equivalent of zero kids at the time.

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  2 weeks ago

  child, equivalent, family, father, humor, joke, kid, kids, parenting, sibling, time, want, zero

• It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

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  4 weeks ago

  9, age, always, buying, child, humor, matter, money, old, road, road trip, should, snack, snack buying, snacks, spending, travel, trip, unsupervised, year

• People my age are raising children, and I’m just here trying to bribe myself with treats into doing my own chores.

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  1 month ago

  adulting, age, bribe, child, children, chore, chores, doing, here, humor, just, myself, own, people, raising, self-motivation, treat, treats, trying

• I know it’s bad, and you’ve got to shut it down right away, but is there anything more hilarious than a swearing toddler?

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  1 month ago

  anything, away, bad, bad behavior, behavior, child, child behavior, got, hilarious, humor, i, know, parenting, right, shut, swear, swear word, swearing, swearing toddler, toddler, word

• My favorite part of parenting is when they’re asleep.

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  1 month ago

  asleep, child, favorite, favorite moment, humor, moment, parenting, sleep

• My child has entered the “Why?” stage of linguistic development, and I’ve realized I know absolutely nothing.

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  2 months ago

  absolutely, child, development, humor, i, know, knowledge, linguistic, linguistic development, nothing, parenting, stage, why, why stage

• Parent hack: Shut your child’s bedroom door to make your house cleaner.

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  2 months ago

  bedroom, child, cleaner, cleanliness, door, hack, house, humor, parent, parenting, shut

• Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

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  2 months ago

  behavior, child, child behavior, dawn, difficult, difficulty, evolution, history, human, human history, humor, kid, kids, making, man, parenting, things

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