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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

I’ve reached a point in my life where if I can’t find parking, I’m just going to go home.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

The more I parent the more convinced I am that the ears on toddlers are purely for decoration.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

You live in a great city when you get pooped on by a seagull instead of a pigeon.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Waitress: “Do you have any questions about the menu?” Me: “What kind of font is this?

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Foot fetish should just be called feetish.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

My kids acting shocked there’s ants in my car like they’re not Hansel and Gretel leaving bloody crumb trails.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Self-discipline is tough because I’m the boss of me, and that guy runs a real loose ship.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

I typed my name into Google’s search bar and it immediately auto-filled to “Doesn’t even listen to instructions” before crashing under the weight of disappointed search results.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

That looks like a problem for someone else.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,527

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

My favorite part about health insurance is how your teeth and eyeballs are add-ons.

Shared recently on TikTok:

If you scroll Twitter long enough, you too can burn calories by shaking your head.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Turns out strange women lying in ponds distributing swords was a better basis for a system of government actually.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

Going viral on YouTube:

I would rather walk directly into the ocean than tell people a fun fact about myself.

Going viral on Telegram:

For Halloween, I’m going as an emotional roller coaster.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I don’t argue anymore. I just agree and let the plot unfold.

Trending via Messenger:

Taking a guy from skinny jeans to linen trousers, that’s my way of giving back to society.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I respectfully ignore DMs because I promise you, I am not your soulmate.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

And once again my day begins without a red carpet! Guys, I’m really disappointed in you.

Funny commandment quotes

New funny commandment quotes 👇

Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

0

2 months ago

commandment, humor, interaction, just, neighbor, read, religion, rules, shit, ten, time

Someone from 🇳🇿 has recently bookmarked this quote.

28 shares on Instagram this month.

All funny commandment quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on WeChat this month:

I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move.

50 shares on Pinterest this month:

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

89 shares on Telegram this month:

My talents include sneaking out of work early on a Friday.

98 shares on TikTok this month:

“Gen Z is having less sex.” It’s always sex, sex, sex with these people.

39 shares on Twitch this month:

Good morning to everyone except people that talk to the cashier about their entire day.

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.

23 shares on Pinterest this month:

Everyone is celebrating my vegan Bolognese sauce. The secret ingredient is minced meat.

19 shares on Facebook this month:

Have you fallen in love with me yet, or do I need to post more nonsense?

84 shares on WeChat this month:

People think I’m a minimalist, but I’m just broke.

22 shares on Pinterest this month:

I love how bananas just take over the whole smoothie. You can never dim her light.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Perfume is designed to be an invisible accessory. It’s not designed to instantly kill the canary when you entered the room.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

I see posts like, “If food is too expensive, just grow your own.” Okay, Einstein, why didn’t I think of that?

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Any house is an Airbnb if you’re quiet enough.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

I used to love going out with people. Now I weigh the pros and cons of human interaction, like it’s a business decision.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

The word Ohio looks like a tractor.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

In banana years, I am bread.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Lost another rap battle by just agreeing with everything the other guy said.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

It’s so funny that people directly compare Dune and Furiosa when all that they have in common is that there’s sand.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

I’ve decided that I need to eat more vegetables, so I’m gonna make a carrot cake later.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

Spotted on Telegram:

Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

Breaking via Twitch:

Remember: when a band skips your city on tour, it is always personal and they always hate you specifically.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Shout out to everyone who cooks at 180°C for 20 minutes, no matter what the instructions say.

Just landed via WeChat:

Ironic that the two ơ’s in “cooperate” insist on having their own separate sounds.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

Just landed via Discord:

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

Seen just now on Threads:

I’ll be home for Christmas, because that’s where I live.

Live now on WhatsApp:

You don’t have to remember details when you don’t lie.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny commandment quotes

New funny commandment quotes 👇

Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

All funny commandment quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨