81 funny cool quotes

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

6 days ago6 days ago

So stupid how New York is actually as cool as everyone says.

6 days ago6 days ago

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

3 weeks ago3 weeks ago

It’s cool how seeing a less flattering photo of an attractive friend does not change my perception of them at all, but seeing one of myself makes me want to jump off a bridge.

3 weeks ago3 weeks ago

Sex is cool and all, but have you ever tried obsessing over a mediocre person who’s just not that into you.

4 weeks ago4 weeks ago

You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.

1 month ago1 month ago

I remember sex. That was cool.

1 month ago1 month ago

Books are so cool because there are no bloody ads in them.

2 months ago2 months ago

If you encounter a teenager out in the wild, be kind. They are the first generation of kids whose parents are cooler than they are.

2 months ago2 months ago

Professor: Most of you won’t pass this course. Me: Cool, so you’re like, real shitty at your job.

2 months ago2 months ago

We are talking about how beautiful and cool you are behind your back.

2 months ago2 months ago

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

2 months ago

Is it cool if I come into your life and just never leave, like a stray cat?

2 months ago

Sex is cool, but have you ever made peace with the horror of being alive.

2 months ago

Insurance is cool because even if you have it, it still kinda feels like you don’t.

2 months ago

Vaping: When you feel like smoking but don’t want to look cool.

2 months ago

It’s cool that women want me, but it makes me sad that fish fear me.

2 months ago

Cool things happen when you start hanging out outside a lot. Animals just appear and stuff.

2 months ago

Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

2 months ago

Graduation advice: Stay cool. Don’t be a fool. Avoid being a tool.

2 months ago

Cool times create cool guys.

2 months ago

It’s so cool when people who write for a living admit that they don’t read books or have thoughts.

2 months ago

I wonder what other animals we tried to ride before discovering that horses were cool with it.

2 months ago

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

2 months ago

I don’t even know what I’d do if a sailor called me a landlubber. I’d probably lose my cool.

2 months ago

Sex is cool, but have you ever found an academic article that fits your research topic perfectly and supports all of your claims?

2 months ago

You gotta act cool, calm, and collected around liquid eyeliner because it can sense your fear.

2 months ago

The first guy to clap after seeing something cool must have been like “what the hell am I doing?”

2 months ago

The only things that are really cool in my company are my salary and me.

2 months ago

I used to be cool and now I say things like “It’s so loud in here, I can’t hear myself think”.

2 months ago

If the interviewer doesn’t think it’s cool when you pull a quarter out of his ear, the job wasn’t good enough for you anyways.

2 months ago

We should start referring to age as “levels.” So when you’re level 80, it sounds a lot cooler than just being an older person.

2 months ago

I can’t finish cleaning up my room because I get distracted by all of the cool stuff I find.

2 months ago

To everyone who wrote “stay cool” in my year book, I have some devastating news.

2 months ago

I said “cool tattoo” to be nice not because I wanted to hear the 45 minute origin story.

2 months ago

Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

2 months ago

I bet doom scroll meant something way cooler in the middle ages.

2 months ago

One day you’re hip and cool, and then out of nowhere you say things like hip and cool.

2 months ago

I hate everyone in front of me at this checkout line, everyone behind me is cool.

2 months ago

One day you’re cool and then the next, you realize your favorite pair of pants are sweatpants from the grocery store.

2 months ago