31 Funny dead quotes

Trending Funny Dead Quotes 🔥

My only plan for this weekend is to move just enough so the people don’t think I’m dead.
When you’re dead, you don’t know that you’re dead. But it’s hard for those around you. It’s the same when you’re stupid.
If someone ghosts you, respect the dead and never disturb them again.
I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.
Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they’re dead.

More funny dead quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: l identify as a Christmas tree. Lit on the outside, dead on the inside.

Commentary:
"Ah, the Christmas tree – the eternal symbol of holiday cheer and existential crisis all rolled into one! 🎄✨ Just remember, even if you're feeling a bit like a withered old pine inside, you can always put on a dazzling light show for the world to see. Shine on, you festive gem! 💫"
5 months ago
Share →: Don’t worry, I’m only dead inside from the waist up.

Commentary:
"Looks like this person is mostly dead inside, but hey, at least they still have some feeling in their legs! 🤣💀 #HalfwayThere"
5 months ago
Share →: If I’m ever found dead in the woods, it’s probably because I was trying to pet a bear.

Commentary:
"Note to self: Bears are not fluffy cuddle buddies 🐻 Better stick to petting kittens next time, much safer and less likely to end up as a woodland creature's lunch! 😅"
5 months ago
Share →: There’s no way the Scooby Doo gang never found a dead body.

Commentary:
Well, zoinks! 🕵️‍♂️ It's like, "Jinkies, Velma! Another missing person? Let's not split up this time! 😂" Looks like Shaggy and Scooby's snacks might have distracted them from the real mysteries lurking in those haunted mansions! 🐕💨👻
5 months ago
Share →: Whoever said it was okay to let your pets sleep in your bed, thanks a lot, now my goldfish is dead.

Commentary:
Looks like someone mistook "pet bed" for "people bed" and poor Goldie didn't stand a chance! 🐠💤 #SleepingWithTheFishes #FishOutOfWater
5 months ago
Share →: I’ve never wished a man dead, but I’ve read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Commentary:
"Talk about taking 'rest in peace' to a whole new level! 😅💀 Sounds like this person wasn't just checking the obituaries, they were checking them off their hit list! 🎯😂 #Savage"
5 months ago
Share →: If someone ghosts you, respect the dead and never disturb them again.

Commentary:
"Remember, even in the spooky world of dating ghosts, always show some respect 👻🚫 Unless you're into haunting relationships, then go ahead and send a ghostly 'Boo!' 🎃😄 Just keep it ghostly chic, darling! 💁‍♂️💀"
5 months ago
Share →: If you’re sleep-deprived and type the symptoms into Google, you’re as good as dead.

Commentary:
Sounds like Google is the Grim Reaper of the Internet, ready to pronounce your doom with a single search! 😂💀 Better sleep tight before those search results haunt you all night long!
5 months ago
Share →: I’m writing a book of obitchuaries for all the people who are dead to me.

Commentary:
What a perfect way to passive-aggressively immortalize those who have burnt their bridges with you! 🔥💀 "Obitchuaries: The Ultimate Revenge Saga" – coming soon to a bookstore near you! 📖😂#SorryNotSorry #WriteThemOff
5 months ago
Share →: The difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body is that I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Commentary:
"Well, there's a clear distinction between a Lamborghini and a dead body – one is sleek and fast, while the other is, well, not so alive 🏎️💀 But hey, at least your garage isn't haunted by a Lambo ghost, right? 😂"