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73 Funny death quotes

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  • Who called it an undertaker and not a host mortem?

    Commentary:
    Why settle for an undertaker when you can have a host mortem instead? 🕵️‍♂️💀 It’s the ultimate party for the dearly departed! 🎉 #DeathlyDelightful

  • I’m writing a book of obitchuaries for all the people who are dead to me.

    Commentary:
    What a perfect way to passive-aggressively immortalize those who have burnt their bridges with you! 🔥💀 “Obitchuaries: The Ultimate Revenge Saga” – coming soon to a bookstore near you! 📖😂#SorryNotSorry #WriteThemOff

  • Hate how quietly iPhones die. At 5% it should start verbally begging for its life.

    Commentary:
    “I agree! It would be entertaining to hear our iPhones pleading, ‘Please, plug me in! I promise to be a good device and not freeze on you again!’ 📱😂 #LowBatteryDrama”

  • There are a few certainties in this life: death, taxes and when a Canadian tells you it’s cold out, it’s cold out.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the infamous Canadian weather report: ‘It’s a bit nippy, eh?’ ❄️🍁 While most certainties may be grim, at least Canada keeps us on our toes by reminding us that cold is relative! 🥶 #CanadaEh”

    Fun Fact or Trivia:
    Did you know that Canada has its own temperature scale called the “Windchill Index”? It measures how cold the wind makes it feel, taking into account factors like wind speed and air temperature! 🇨🇦❄️

  • Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs beauty sleep when you can have a mortician glam squad🧟‍♀️💄? Talk about waking up looking drop dead gorgeous💀💅! Keeping it killer even in your dreams!😜”

  • I never used to worry about death but now I’m terrified it will break my winning Wordle streak.

    Commentary:
    “Priorities definitely shift when you’re on a winning streak in Wordle! 😂💀 Better solve those clues quickly before Death comes knocking and ruins it all! 🤞🏆 #WordlePriority #DeathVsWordle”

  • Obituaries should have clickbait titles.

    Commentary:
    “Say goodbye to boring obituaries! Introducing the latest trend: Clickbait titles for the afterlife. ‘You won’t believe what this person did in their final moments!’ 🤣💀 #RestInClickbait #GoneViral”

  • I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

    Commentary:
    😄💀 “I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive. Well, if that isn’t the ghost calling the kettle spooky! 👻 Who said the afterlife couldn’t have a sense of humor? Just watch out for those ghostly giggles echoing in the night!”

  • Gravestone inscription: “Hey guys, I’m going to be taking a little break from social media”

    Commentary:
    “Here lies a pioneer who chose to disconnect from the digital noise. RIP, online presence! 😄👻 #OfflineButStillAwesome”

  • Texas Chain Saw Massacre is full of plot holes. What happens to the victims when they die? Is there an afterlife?

    Commentary:
    Well, well, well, looks like Leatherface might need a few more chainsaws to patch up those plot holes! 🤣 As for the victims, maybe they’re in the after-life trying to find a way to give directions to the lost tourists in the Texas backwoods! 🔪👻 #HorrorMovieMysteries

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