119 funny death quotes - Page 3 - Wordgag

Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

Mar 30, 2026

First date idea: we walk around a graveyard and guess how people died.

Mar 30, 2026

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

Mar 30, 2026

My plan is to die young as late as possible.

Mar 30, 2026

It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

Mar 29, 2026

Remember you are dust and, after you send this email, to dust you shall return.

Mar 29, 2026

The man who invented autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace.

Mar 29, 2026

Only two things are certain: death, and Princess Diana’s face on at least one grocery store magazine.

Mar 28, 2026

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Mar 28, 2026

When the executioner asks me what my final words are, I’m just going to start filibustering.

Mar 28, 2026

Cupid’s arrow should have just killed me instead.

Mar 28, 2026

It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

Mar 28, 2026

Caught the bouquet at the funeral.

Mar 27, 2026

Life is just resetting your password until you die.

Mar 27, 2026

Cause of death: Trying to draw eyebrows on the neighbor’s cat.

Mar 27, 2026

In medieval Europe, it was pretty easy to amass vast armies eager to go into battle and have their heads chopped off because no one wanted to be alive in medieval Europe.

Mar 27, 2026

When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

Mar 27, 2026

When you have finished reading this funny quote, you will be a little closer to death than before.

Mar 27, 2026

None of this matters and we are all going to die. Have a great weekend!

Mar 27, 2026

Sleep is a free trial of death but with ads.

Mar 27, 2026

No, I love darkness at 5pm and the death of a nation.

Mar 27, 2026

Doing all of this just to die in the end! LMAO!

Mar 27, 2026

He died doing what he loved: trying to find out if gang members are ticklish.

Mar 27, 2026

Hangman is so great. No better way for a child to learn how to spell than by having to save a man from hanging to death.

Mar 26, 2026

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

Mar 26, 2026

RIP to everyone killed by the Gods for their hubris, but I’m different. And better. Maybe even better than the Gods.

Mar 26, 2026

They call it a coffin because they’re finally coughing up that inheritance.

Mar 26, 2026

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

Mar 26, 2026

You are born, you lie about how you are and then you die.

Mar 26, 2026

Confucius says: “Those who drink a lot die earlier, but have seen twice as much in life.”

Mar 26, 2026

Some people are living proof that brain failure does not immediately lead to death.

Mar 26, 2026

I wasn’t feeling well so I googled my symptoms. I either have allergies or I died two days ago.

Mar 26, 2026

The crematorium is my last hope for a hot body.

Mar 26, 2026

The dude who invented the autocorrect has died. Restaurant in piece.

Mar 26, 2026

If I ever die on some hill, rest assured, something fishy is going on.

Mar 26, 2026

McDonald’s will “anything else” you to death. Can you wait a McMinute?

Mar 26, 2026

Who called it an undertaker and not a host mortem?

Mar 26, 2026

I’m writing a book of obitchuaries for all the people who are dead to me.

Mar 26, 2026

Hate how quietly iPhones die. At 5% it should start verbally begging for its life.

Mar 26, 2026