119 funny death quotes - Page 2 - Wordgag

It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

May 26, 2026

Remember you are dust and, after you send this email, to dust you shall return.

May 26, 2026

The man who invented autocorrect has died. Restaurant in peace.

May 26, 2026

Only two things are certain: death, and Princess Diana’s face on at least one grocery store magazine.

May 25, 2026

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

May 25, 2026

When the executioner asks me what my final words are, I’m just going to start filibustering.

May 25, 2026

Cupid’s arrow should have just killed me instead.

May 25, 2026

It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

May 25, 2026

Caught the bouquet at the funeral.

May 24, 2026

Life is just resetting your password until you die.

May 24, 2026

Cause of death: Trying to draw eyebrows on the neighbor’s cat.

May 24, 2026

In medieval Europe, it was pretty easy to amass vast armies eager to go into battle and have their heads chopped off because no one wanted to be alive in medieval Europe.

May 24, 2026

When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

May 24, 2026

When you have finished reading this funny quote, you will be a little closer to death than before.

May 24, 2026

None of this matters and we are all going to die. Have a great weekend!

May 24, 2026

Sleep is a free trial of death but with ads.

May 24, 2026

No, I love darkness at 5pm and the death of a nation.

May 24, 2026

Doing all of this just to die in the end! LMAO!

May 24, 2026

He died doing what he loved: trying to find out if gang members are ticklish.

May 24, 2026

Hangman is so great. No better way for a child to learn how to spell than by having to save a man from hanging to death.

May 23, 2026

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

May 23, 2026

RIP to everyone killed by the Gods for their hubris, but I’m different. And better. Maybe even better than the Gods.

May 23, 2026

They call it a coffin because they’re finally coughing up that inheritance.

May 23, 2026

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

May 23, 2026

You are born, you lie about how you are and then you die.

May 23, 2026

Confucius says: “Those who drink a lot die earlier, but have seen twice as much in life.”

May 23, 2026

Some people are living proof that brain failure does not immediately lead to death.

May 23, 2026

I wasn’t feeling well so I googled my symptoms. I either have allergies or I died two days ago.

May 23, 2026

The crematorium is my last hope for a hot body.

May 23, 2026

The dude who invented the autocorrect has died. Restaurant in piece.

May 23, 2026

If I ever die on some hill, rest assured, something fishy is going on.

May 23, 2026

McDonald’s will “anything else” you to death. Can you wait a McMinute?

May 23, 2026

Who called it an undertaker and not a host mortem?

May 23, 2026

I’m writing a book of obitchuaries for all the people who are dead to me.

May 23, 2026

Hate how quietly iPhones die. At 5% it should start verbally begging for its life.

May 23, 2026

There are a few certainties in this life: death, taxes and when a Canadian tells you it’s cold out, it’s cold out.

May 23, 2026

Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep.

May 23, 2026

I never used to worry about death but now I’m terrified it will break my winning Wordle streak.

May 23, 2026

Obituaries should have clickbait titles.

May 23, 2026

I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

May 23, 2026