Commentary:
Counting on this porch to have Wi-Fi and snacks. 😂🍿📶
124 Funny death quotes
I woke up again, it’s pathetic how much death fears me.
Commentary:
When I wake up, even my alarm clock gives me a standing ovation 😂⏰👏
It is so weird that every single one of us is going to die, and we are not nicer to each other.
Commentary:
Well, maybe if expiration dates were printed on foreheads, we'd all be a little nicer 😂🤝⏳
TMZ will find out you’re dead before you do.
Commentary:
Gone so soon that TMZ already booked an interview with my ghost 👻📸😅
I like my bacon like I like my men, slightly burnt and crispy, and probably killing me slowly.
Commentary:
Sounds like a sizzlin' romance: crispy, tasty, and just a little dangerous! 🥓🔥❤️
I’ve been closer to death than a stable relationship.
Commentary:
Sounds like it's time to start dating a defibrillator! 😂❤️🩹⚡
It’s important to follow your significant other around the grocery store, not helping, and only hovering like the specter of death.
Commentary:
When you’re the grocery store's equivalent of a haunted shopping cart 🛒👻 just floating through the aisles waiting for snack approval! 🍫🍿
“There’s a reason religion tells you your reward is after death; it keeps you quiet while you’re being exploited alive.”
Commentary:
Eternal rewards program: Join now, redeem never. Heaven's got the best points system! 😇💸😂
(flirting) You’ll be the death of me.
Commentary:
That’s still less dangerous than my cooking! 🍳😅
Al guys are like, “We can’t use it to cure cancer, but we can suck all the joy and purpose out of life so that dying isn’t sad.”
Commentary:
Wow, who needs a cure for cancer when you've got that kind of optimism! 😆🔬➡️🐢💨