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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

If your name is “Guy”, you have lazy parents.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

My knight in shining armor comes in liquid form.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

I be skipping everyone’s stories but watch mine like 20 times.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Nothing is hungrier than a Roomba that sees a charger cord.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

They should make a tanning bed that constantly rolls you over like a gas station hotdog.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

I like deadlines. They make me functional.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Waffles are just pancakes with convenient boxes to hold your syrup.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Arkansas is just Kansas for pirates.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Needlenose in HR says we can’t use nicknames anymore.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

You’re telling me this moron’s on oxy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,643

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

Only thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m stupid.

Making waves on YouTube:

If Stranger Things was British, it would be called ‘Bit odd, innit?’

Making waves on Telegram:

We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

When you realize your punishments as a kid (stay home, take a nap, no junk food, go to bed early) are now your goals as an adult.

Breaking via Instagram:

IKEA is like the Hotel California of furniture stores.

Going viral on YouTube:

I put my music on shuffle then get mad when it doesn’t play the song I want.

Freshly posted on X:

Not a gold digger, but the other night a woman told me her grandpa owns a Christmas tree farm. That shit had me rubbing my hands like a fly.

Spotted on Twitch:

I am thick and tired.

Spotted on Facebook:

The day your kids stop waking up early on the weekend is the same day your body stops letting you sleep in.

Breaking via YouTube:

I may be ugly, but I used to be uglier.

Funny dropped food quotes

New funny dropped food quotes 👇

I have heard that people without dogs have to pick up dropped food themselves.

2 weeks ago

cleaning, dog, dogs, dropped, dropped food, food, humor, i, joke, people, pet, pick, responsibility

All funny dropped food quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The sun really clocks out for the day before I do. That’s insane.

63 shares on Messenger this month:

One of the hardest things to do as an adult is to go back to work after a long weekend.

99 shares on Slack this month:

Movie date at my house, but we use pirated sites and spend all night closing pop-ups.

19 shares on Messenger this month:

The most refreshing way to fight your personal demons is to make demonade.

43 shares on WeChat this month:

Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

41 shares on X this month:

I don’t mean to brag, but I can forget what I’m saying while I’m saying it.

58 shares on Discord this month:

I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

93 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.

50 shares on Facebook this month:

The sexual tension between my tendency to do something stupid and my resolve not to.

92 shares on Instagram this month:

Netflix will help you finish the name of the movie you’re typing, and then tell you they don’t have it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

When your kids embarrass you in public, the only way out is to turn away in disgust and mutter loudly, “Who raised you?”

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

A person that weights 200 pounds on Earth weighs 76 pounds on Mars. So I’m not overweight, I’m on the wrong planet.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

This family has a lot of nerve wearing all these clothes after I just did laundry.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Sorry if my posts have any typos, it’s because I’m driving.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Are you there, bathroom walls, ceiling, floor, mirror, sink, and towels? It’s me, the kids toothpaste.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Not to sound like a potted plant, but sunlight and fresh air really make a difference.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Why do men always think “looking for fun” means sex? Wat if I want us to draw?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

How would someone cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? Do you just call them and say you can’t come?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Give us this day our daily internet validation.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

In the future, there will be grandmas who can’t bake but have tattoos on their backs.

Spotted on Pinterest:

What did people do before eyeglasses, like half the world just walked around not being able to see?

Going viral on YouTube:

Yes officer, I’d like to file a restraining order against my dentist’s appointment reminder system.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I love when someone texts “hey,” like I’m supposed to solve the rest.

Going bananas on Discord:

If you need me, I will be at the library sniffing old books.

Just landed via Messenger:

I hate when people are outside when I’m trying to parallel park. I need some privacy.

Making waves on Slack:

I bet the person who named the fireplace also named the waterfall.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Nothing prepares you for the day you wake up and realize you have a favorite cardigan.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Once you find a pair of pants that fit you perfectly, it’s over for all your other pants.

Just landed via Messenger:

I’m liking your IG photo from 8 days ago because IG just showed me today!

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Activity Log ✨

Funny dropped food quotes

New funny dropped food quotes 👇

I have heard that people without dogs have to pick up dropped food themselves.

All funny dropped food quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨