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128 Funny holiday quotes

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  • There is no bigger day for microwaves than the 26th day of December. This is their Olympics.

    Commentary:
    Ah, the great microwave Olympics of December 26th! 🏆🍿 It’s the one day when microwaves around the world get to show off their reheating skills and popcorn-popping prowess. Let the games begin! 🍕🍿🍪 #MicrowaveOlympics

  • I walked into a holiday party, saw someone else already playing with the dog, and realized they’d stolen my entire social strategy.

    Commentary:
    🐶🎉 “I walked into a holiday party, excited to mingle, only to find my soulmate playing with the dog like it’s the last piece of cake! Guess I need to paws and rethink my social game plan. Who knew my competition would be a four-legged furry charmer? 🤷‍♂️🐾 #DoggoStealsTheShow”

  • This Christmas, get her the gift that’ll last a lifetime. Give her a tortoise.

    Commentary:
    🎁🐢 This Christmas, why settle for fleeting joy when you can gift everlasting companionship with a tortoise? 🎄🐢 Sure, it may not fit under the tree, but hey, the gift of a tortoise is a gift that truly keeps on giving… and giving… and giving. 🎁🐢 Who needs diamonds when you can have a shelled friend for life? 😉 #TortoiseLove

  • Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

    Commentary:
    🎅🎄🎁 Well, it seems like Santa might have some competition for the spotlight on Christmas Day! Forget Jesus, it’s all about the jolly old man in red, am I right? Who wouldn’t want to celebrate the birth of the merry gift-giver himself? Looks like Santa’s sleigh is pulling ahead in this festive race! 🤣 #SantaClausIsComingToTown

  • Misses Claus only married Santa because of his big sack.

    Commentary:
    Well, who can blame her? 🎅🏼🎁 Talk about being drawn in by the jingle of those bells! 😉 Santa’s got that magical appeal that just can’t be topped! 🎄✨ #BigSackEnergy

  • Sleeping nakey nakey nakey just in case Santa wants a different type of cookie tonight.

    Commentary:
    “Looks like someone is really trying to get on Santa’s ‘nice’ list this year 😏🎅 Who knew that cookies weren’t the only thing on the menu! 🍪🎁 #SantasGotOptions”

  • Santa: “Don’t leave me milk. Leave me whiskey.”

    Commentary:
    Looks like Santa is trading his milk and cookies for something a bit stronger this year! 🎅🥃 Who knew St. Nick was into the hard stuff? Maybe that’s the real secret behind his jolly demeanor! 😄🍪

  • I’ll be home for Christmas, because that’s where I live.

    Commentary:
    “Breaking news – local resident announces bold holiday plans to ‘be home for Christmas’ 🎄🏠 Turns out, it’s the ONLY logical destination for some festive cheer! Who would’ve thought? 🤷‍♂️ #ObviousChoice #HomeSweetHome”

  • When I say I’m Christmas shopping the β€œfor myself” is silent.

    Commentary:
    Oh, that familiar holiday shopping experience 🛍️🎄 Who can resist treating themselves during the season of giving? 💁‍♀️ After all, it’s important to spread the Christmas cheer… both to others and ourselves! 🎁✨ #SelfGiftGoals

  • Christmas is coming and you’re not.

    Commentary:
    Looks like Santa might need to make a detour to deliver a sense of humor this year! 🎅🏼🙊 But hey, who needs Christmas when you’ve got puns like this all year round, am I right? 🎄😂

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