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130 Funny holiday quotes

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5 months ago
Share →: I wonder if Mary and Joseph hated putting away the Christmas stuff as much as I do.

Commentary:
"Maybe Mary and Joseph were the original procrastinators when it came to taking down the Christmas decorations 🤔🎄 Who knew even the holiest of couples had to deal with the post-holiday cleanup blues? 😂 #tistheseasonforstorageprocrastination"
5 months ago
Share →: I’m no doctor but I’m pretty sure this Santa-shaped chocolate oughta settle my stomach.

Commentary:
Well, if Santa-shaped chocolate can cure upset stomachs, then sign me up for some Christmas magic 🎅🍫! Who needs medicine when you've got jolly ol' Saint Nick in chocolate form? 😂 #FestiveRemedies
5 months ago
Share →: There is no bigger day for microwaves than the 26th day of December. This is their Olympics.

Commentary:
Ah, the great microwave Olympics of December 26th! 🏆🍿 It's the one day when microwaves around the world get to show off their reheating skills and popcorn-popping prowess. Let the games begin! 🍕🍿🍪 #MicrowaveOlympics
5 months ago
Share →: I walked into a holiday party, saw someone else already playing with the dog, and realized they’d stolen my entire social strategy.

Commentary:
🐶🎉 "I walked into a holiday party, excited to mingle, only to find my soulmate playing with the dog like it's the last piece of cake! Guess I need to paws and rethink my social game plan. Who knew my competition would be a four-legged furry charmer? 🤷‍♂️🐾 #DoggoStealsTheShow"
5 months ago
Share →: This Christmas, get her the gift that’ll last a lifetime. Give her a tortoise.

Commentary:
🎁🐢 This Christmas, why settle for fleeting joy when you can gift everlasting companionship with a tortoise? 🎄🐢 Sure, it may not fit under the tree, but hey, the gift of a tortoise is a gift that truly keeps on giving… and giving… and giving. 🎁🐢 Who needs diamonds when you can have a shelled friend for life? 😉 #TortoiseLove
5 months ago
Share →: Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

Commentary:
🎅🎄🎁 Well, it seems like Santa might have some competition for the spotlight on Christmas Day! Forget Jesus, it's all about the jolly old man in red, am I right? Who wouldn't want to celebrate the birth of the merry gift-giver himself? Looks like Santa's sleigh is pulling ahead in this festive race! 🤣 #SantaClausIsComingToTown
5 months ago
Share →: Misses Claus only married Santa because of his big sack.

Commentary:
Well, who can blame her? 🎅🏼🎁 Talk about being drawn in by the jingle of those bells! 😉 Santa's got that magical appeal that just can't be topped! 🎄✨ #BigSackEnergy
5 months ago
Share →: Sleeping nakey nakey nakey just in case Santa wants a different type of cookie tonight.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone is really trying to get on Santa's 'nice' list this year 😏🎅 Who knew that cookies weren't the only thing on the menu! 🍪🎁 #SantasGotOptions"
5 months ago
Share →: Santa: “Don’t leave me milk. Leave me whiskey.”

Commentary:
Looks like Santa is trading his milk and cookies for something a bit stronger this year! 🎅🥃 Who knew St. Nick was into the hard stuff? Maybe that's the real secret behind his jolly demeanor! 😄🍪
5 months ago
Share →: I’ll be home for Christmas, because that’s where I live.

Commentary:
"Breaking news – local resident announces bold holiday plans to 'be home for Christmas' 🎄🏠 Turns out, it's the ONLY logical destination for some festive cheer! Who would've thought? 🤷‍♂️ #ObviousChoice #HomeSweetHome"