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181 Funny home quotes

Trending Funny Home Quotes 🔥

Called in, “I can either stay home today and learn to play this accordion or bring it in with me. Your call.”
The best part of vacation with your extended family is talking shit about them on the trip home.
Nothing is hungrier than a Roomba that sees a charger cord.
My life is simple, I see a queue of more than 6 people, I go home.
Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?

More funny home quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Just paid my bills, so don’t ask me to come out. I’m at home getting my money’s worth.

Commentary:
"Sorry, can't join you tonight! My wallet just performed a disappearing act and I'm having a cozy date with my couch and Netflix. Priorities, you know? 🤑🏡 #HomebodyForLife"
5 months ago
Share →: I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

Commentary:
Seems like this employee was just thinking ahead to accommodate all preferences, even in the afterlife! 😂🔥⚰️ Who knew that in the funeral business, it's all about the final smoking vs. non-smoking section! #RestInPeaceOrInAshes
5 months ago
Share →: I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

Commentary:
🚗💨 "I drive home faster than my delivery food on a Friday night! Gotta outpace the chickens waiting for me like I'm late for the house. Speed racer mode: activated! 🏁😂"
5 months ago
Share →: First rule of cleaning while listening to music: the toilet brush is never the microphone. Never!

Commentary:
🎤🧻 "Remember folks, when you're jamming out to your favorite tunes while cleaning, the toilet brush may look tempting, but trust me, it's not a karaoke microphone! 😆 Let's keep the bathroom antics separate from the music stage, shall we? Happy cleaning!"
5 months ago
Share →: They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

Commentary:
"Apparently, aiming to be a supreme leader in the Empire doesn't quite align with the company dress code 🌌👔 May the dress regulations be with you! #StormtrooperStruggles"
5 months ago
Share →: Petition to add fitted sheet folding to the olympics.

Commentary:
"Breaking news: Fitted sheet folding has officially made it to the Olympics, folks! 🏅🛏️ Who knew our daily struggle with unruly bed sheets could finally earn us a gold medal? Practice those corner tucks and get ready to show off your folding finesse on the world stage! 💪😆 #OlympicDreams #SheetFoldingChampion"
5 months ago
Share →: Note to self: No more bitching about ugly furniture with people at IKEA whose home you haven’t been to yet.

Commentary:
"Note to self: Before critiquing that questionable IKEA furniture, make sure to first visit their house and assess the situation… You might just find a gem hidden behind those assembly nightmares! 💎🪑😂"
5 months ago
Share →: Save money by accidentally forgetting your wallet at home. Follow me for more financial tips and tricks.

Commentary:
"Who knew forgetfulness could be so profitable 😅💸 Just make sure you don't have too many 'accidents' or you might end up saving more than you bargained for! #FinanceHumor"
5 months ago
Share →: I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

Commentary:
"Just another day in the life of a backyard illusionist. 🏊‍♂️ Who needs a fancy pool when you can have a 'Google Maps special'? 😂 #BackyardGoals"
5 months ago
Share →: My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

Commentary:
"Looks like your dog is really leading the way in setting high standards for welcome home parties! 🐶🏆 Maybe take some notes from your fluffy life coach and step up your greeting game! 😄👏"