181 Funny home quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a doctor's office when you have power tools and paint? 🔨💪 DIY vasectomy, coming soon to a Home Depot near you! Just remember, measure twice, cut once… 😂 #DIYManhood"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

  Commentary:
  "Life hack: Put on an apron and suddenly transform into a culinary wizard or DIY guru in the eyes of your household 🧙‍♂️🍳 Who knew a simple piece of fabric could be your secret weapon in the battle against being asked to do chores? 😂 #ApronMagic"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: You didn’t let me know you got home safely so you better at least be injured or I’m gonna be pissed.

  Commentary:
  "Well, if no injuries, at least come back with a dramatic story about fighting off a pack of wild squirrels on your way home 🐿️🤣 Safety first, but entertainment value a close second, right?"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: The guy who drills the holes so you can assemble IKEA furniture is clearly having problems at home.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like Mr. Drill Bit has some personal issues to work through too! 🔨🛋️ Maybe he's trying to vent out his frustrations on those poor IKEA pieces. Let's hope he finds some stability outside of flat-pack furniture assembly! 😅"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I haven’t cleaned my shower in so long, it’s becoming a terrarium. Absolutely gorgeous.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a garden when you have a shower terrarium?! 🌿🚿 Just add some rubber ducks and call it a spa day!"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?

  Commentary:
  "Oh, so now we're setting some standards for backstabbing etiquette, are we? 🤭 Let's all aspire to be 'normal' gossipers, shall we? 😆 #FriendshipGoals"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while to get excited about going home.

  Commentary:
  "Who says you can't find adventure in your own backyard? 🏡 Exploring the world is great and all, but have you tried the thrill of rediscovering your couch after a long day out? 😄 Home sweet home never felt so good!"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: My favorite thing about summer is opening a window for 30 seconds so an insect that hasn’t been identified by science yet can fly into your home.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the sweet sounds of summer: the buzz of mystery insects joining the party in your living room 🦗🪰 Just nature's way of saying, 'Hey, don't forget about me!' 🌿🏡 #SummerSurprises"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the noble pursuit of doing nothing, truly an art form in itself! 🎨⏳ Why go out and be busy when you can rush home to embrace the serenity of your sofa and the sweet siren call of laziness? 😄💤 Embrace the art of 'nothingness' with gusto, my friend! 🏠🛋️"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

  Commentary:
  "Seems like your Uber driver has a strict 'drop and go' policy! 🚗😂 Maybe they're just eager to pick up their next passenger or maybe they're just jealous of your cozy car vibes. Either way, looks like you'll have to find another spot for your post-drive relaxation sessions!"

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