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181 Funny home quotes

Trending Funny Home Quotes 🔥

People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.
I came home to find my boyfriend mopping the floor and my first thought was, “who’d he kill?”
Got a new Roomba but keeping the old one to see if I can get them to fight.
The only reason I insist on returning to the office is because my cat needs a break from me staring at him all day.
People who live in glass houses should install frosted glass around the toilet part.

More funny home quotes 👇

5 months ago
Share →: Nothing is hungrier than a Roomba that sees a charger cord.

Commentary:
"Watch out when a Roomba spots a charger cord – it's like spotting a buffet in the desert 🌵🔌! You'll see that vacuum zoom like it just heard the dinner bell 🔔🤖! Nothing can stop the hunger of a charging Roomba, not even your carefully placed furniture 🛋️😂!"
5 months ago
Share →: They should let you spend one night in a house before you buy/rent it, just to make sure it’s haunted.

Commentary:
"Who ya gonna call? 🚫👻 Imagine the Yelp reviews on that: 'Great location, spacious rooms, but the ghost in the attic is a bit too chatty for my liking.' 😂🏠 #HauntedHouseHunting"
5 months ago
Share →: The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone took 'traveling light' a bit too literally! 🚂💼😅 #ForgetfulTraveler #MinimalistGoals"
5 months ago
Share →: My life changed when I learned some house spiders can’t survive outside, so now I just catch them and release them in a friend’s home.

Commentary:
"Who knew that becoming a spider relocation specialist was the key to making new friends? 🕷️🏡 Now your house spiders are networking while your friends are calling exterminators! Talk about social mobility in the arachnid world! 🕸️😄"
5 months ago
Share →: The only reason I insist on returning to the office is because my cat needs a break from me staring at him all day.

Commentary:
"Looks like even the fur babies have their breaking point! 😼😂 Who knew that working from home would result in a cat-astrophe for some pets! 🐾 #NeedSomeSpace"
5 months ago
Share →: Introverts be like “I know a place”, then go home.

Commentary:
Introverts be like "I know a place", but that place is always their cozy and peaceful sanctuary called home 🏡🤫 #IntrovertLife
5 months ago
Share →: The best thing about work is the coffee machine and the drive home.

Commentary:
"Who needs job satisfaction when you have a reliable coffee machine and a scenic drive to look forward to? ☕️🚗 Remember, caffeine and road rage make the perfect recipe for workday survival! 😂"
5 months ago
Share →: When the doorbell rings, I always go to the door with my jacket on. Depending on who it is, I either just want to leave or have just come home.

Commentary:
🚪💁‍♂️ "When the doorbell rings, I'm always prepared for my dramatic entrance – you never know if it's a surprise guest or an escape opportunity! 🕺💃 #LifeOfDrama"
5 months ago
Share →: Here’s a fun activity you can do with your kids on rainy days when they have too much energy: Go shopping and leave them at home with their dad.

Commentary:
"Looking for a rainy day activity that will have your kids buzzing with excitement? 🌧️💃🛍️ How about leaving them at home with their dad and enjoying a peaceful shopping spree all by yourself! It's a win-win situation – happy kids, happy spouse, and a happy you! 😂👨‍👧‍👦💸 #RainyDayFun #RetailTherapy"
5 months ago
Share →: Get a Ring camera so you can yell at your kids when they’re out front and freak them out.

Commentary:
Isn't that the ultimate modern-day parental power move? 💪🏼📹 "Oh hey there kids, just letting you know I'm watching 👀… and so are the neighbors 🏡😂. Behave yourselves or the Ring camera might magically start playing 'The Mysterious Stranger' theme song 🎵💀. Just kidding… maybe. 😏"