55 Funny humorous quotes

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  1 month ago

  Share →: If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.

  Commentary:
  "When I blow out birthday candles, I become a philosopher. 🎂💨🤔"

• 

  1 month ago

  Share →: I think God’s next test for me should be, “Can he handle a ridiculous amount of money.”

  Commentary:
  "Absolutely! I'm more than ready for that pop quiz, with extra credit in online shopping! 💸🛒😂"

• 

  1 month ago

  Share →: The ugliest version of me is the version that comes out when I play board games. I don’t know who she is, but she is a monster. She is not fit for human interaction.

  Commentary:
  "Board games really bring out my alter ego: 'Competitive Cathy' 😈🎲 Who knew a simple game of Monopoly could cause inner monster mayhem?" 🤣🏰

• 

  1 month ago

  Share →: Beware. There are people in the grocery store that you know who want to chat with you. Stay vigilant.

  Commentary:
  "Activate stealth mode! 🕵️‍♂️🛒 Remember, a well-timed duck behind the cereal aisle might just save your afternoon! 🤫😄"

• 

  1 month ago

  Share →: I need a leaf blower, but for people.

  Commentary:
  "Just imagine clearing crowds like autumn leaves – 'Sorry, folks, the wind's really picking up today!' 🍃😄🍂"

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: I’m a strong, independent woman, but like, against my will.

  …

  Commentary:
  "When life throws independence at you and you're stuck with it, but hey, at least I can open my own pickle jars now! 🥒💪😂"

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

  …

  Commentary:
  "Worcestershire sauce: the secret ingredient to turning my fridge into a tongue twister! 🌀😂🥫"

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: To bed then. To bed with you! Guards, take him to my bed!

  Commentary:
  "Finally, a royal decree I can get behind… or rather, under the covers! 😂👑🛏️ #NobleNaps #RoyallyTuckedIn"

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: Accidentally falling asleep is always the best sleep — and that’s so irritating.

  Commentary:
  "Falling asleep on accident: 10/10. Waking up with drool on my sleeve: priceless. 😴💤🤦‍♂️"

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: There should be a withering shamrock emoji so that people can express misfortune or Irish grief.

  Commentary:
  "When life gives you a withered shamrock, make sure you're not trying to make an Irish stew out of it! 🍀➡️😭🍲💔"

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