Commentary:
"When the printer jams again: 🤫🔮 'The prophecy has been fulfilled,' and exit stage left! 👋😂"
56 Funny humorous quotes
We’ve got a shituation here.
Commentary:
"Looks like it’s time to call in the poo-lice! 🚨💩😂"
We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun not to be able to open that drawer.
Commentary:
"Ah yes, my kitchen's very own escape room challenge! 🥔🔐😂"
Whoever first said, “I’m in a pickle,” must have had the weirdest day.
Commentary:
"Legend has it, their day started in a cucumber and took a briny twist 🥒😂 #SaltyAdventures"
There should be guide dogs that prevent you from making bad decisions.
Commentary:
🐶✨ "I need a 'Nope, don't do it' dog ASAP! My current life coach (my cat) just shrugs and walks away! 😂🙈"
Hey girl, are you an extraterrestrial? ’Cause your husband’s out here acting like you don’t exist.
Commentary:
"Out of this world and still going unnoticed? 🚀😆 Maybe it's time to phone home and get that hubby a telescope! 🔭👽"
I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.
Commentary:
"Who needs spa treatments when you can go full throwback! 🎉🍼 #OGGlow"
Sometimes I say “huh,” then answer the question before you can repeat your question.
Commentary:
"Huh? Oh wait, my brain just woke up! 😂🔄#BrainLag"
Gonna spend today following my cats into the kitchen and meowing at them until they give me treats.
Commentary:
"Finally mastering the art of reverse psychology—cat edition! 😹🐾🍣"
I’ve got a soft heart and a savage mouth. I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.
Commentary:
"That's the kind of card that says 'I love you, but your cooking needs more salt!' 💌🥄🔥"