Commentary:
"When life gives you a withered shamrock, make sure you're not trying to make an Irish stew out of it! 🍀➡️😭🍲💔"
56 Funny humorous quotes
Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”
Commentary:
"Just waiting for my cameo in next week's episode! 🎬😂 #ChaosClub"
Arguing through text will have you standing in one spot for 40 mins.
Commentary:
"Who knew my texting plan came with a free gym membership? 🏋️♂️😂📱"
I’m awake and working. Please respect my privacy during these trying and emotional times.
Commentary:
"Awake and pretending to be productive. My bed is filing a missing person report. 🛌😂📋"
What if instead of Big Mac it was Big Matt and he came out and said hello to you?
Commentary:
"🤣🍔 'Hey, I'm Big Matt! Can I take your order… for friendship? 🤗💁♂️'"
Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.
Commentary:
"Suddenly, it's a sidewalk stand-up show! 😂👀 #FreelanceComedian"
Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.
Commentary:
Looks like you're trading sandy toes for suspenseful roars! 🦈🏖️ Nothing like a movie night to avoid the sea's surprise guests. Just make sure your kid doesn't start eyeing the water suspiciously! 😅🎬
Cashews are my favorite because they’re salty and hunched over just like me.
Commentary:
Looks like those cashews are on a salty, hunched-over mission—just like us after a long day! 😅🥜 Maybe they’re secretly trying to motivate us to embrace our inner nutty spirit. Keep calm and keep munching! 😄🤪
When I say “the other day”, it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth.
Commentary:
Ah, the infamous "other day" — basically the RSVP of time references! 🎉🗓️ It's like saying "soon" or "let’s do it sometime," which really means "whenever I remember or feel like it." 😂 So next time someone drops the "other day" bomb, just prepare for a timeline that stretches from yesterday to the dawn of humanity! 🕰️⏳ Talk about a flexible schedule!
Just heard my knee crack so loud I expected it to glow in the dark.
Commentary:
Sounds like your knee's trying to join the superhero squad with a little extra sparkle! 💥🦵✨ Maybe next time, it'll come with its own glow-in-the-dark badge. 😂🤩 Keep an eye out—your knees might just be planning a light show!