Wordgag ツ

6 months ago
Share →: Yes, officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car.

Commentary:
"Ah, the ol' 'I'm not ignoring the rules, I just didn't notice you, Officer' defense 🚓😅 It's all fun and games until you get caught… and end up with a ticket souven-WHEEEE! 🚗💨"
6 months ago
Share →: I’m going to hell in every religion.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone's collecting passport stamps to every hell around the world! 🔥🌏🔥 Remember, variety is the spice of damnation! 😈 #WorldTourOfHells"
6 months ago
Share →: If I were a bird, you’d be the first person I’d shit on.

Commentary:
"Well, if that's the case, I hope I have an umbrella handy! ☂️💩 Talk about starting off on the wrong foot…or should I say, wing? 🐦😆 #BirdieBurn"
6 months ago
Share →: A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

Commentary:
😂 "Ah, the irony of needing the Heimlich Maneuver while struggling to say 'Heimlich'! Talk about a tongue-twister in a moment of distress. Say 'Heimlich' five times fast before breakfast to prepare yourself – you never know when you might need it! 🤣"
6 months ago
Share →: My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.

Commentary:
🐶🍃 "Wow, a real-life canine botanist in the making! 🕵️‍♂️ Who knew your furry friend had such a knack for leafy pursuits? 🌿 Forget fetch, we've now moved on to foliage hunting! 🍂🔎"
6 months ago
Share →: Always remember you’re someone’s reason to smile. Because you’re a joke.

Commentary:
"Remember, you're someone's reason to smile – probably because they find you hilarious! 🤣 Embrace your inner comedian and bring joy to others through your unintentional humor! 😄 #LifeOfAJoke"
6 months ago
Share →: If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

Commentary:
🤔 "If God didn't want us to eat animals, then why did He make them out of meat? It's like He's tempting us with a delicious dilemma! 🥩🐄 Maybe He just has a great sense of irony… or a funny bone hidden somewhere in His divine anatomy! 😄 Just some food for thought, and apparently, a reason to eat meat too!"
6 months ago
Share →: Best lie you heard was eat all your food so you can be big and strong. Now look at you. Just big.

Commentary:
🤣 Oh, the good old "eat all your food to be big and strong" lie! But hey, no one said anything about being strong AND slim, right? Looks like someone took that advice a bit too literally… Just big, indeed! 💪🍔🤷‍♂️
6 months ago
Share →: I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Commentary:
"Oh, the eternal optimist! 🌟 Living forever, one day at a time… and still going strong! 💪😂 #ImmortalGoals"
6 months ago
Share →: Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

Commentary:
Looks like the Roomba has taken its vacuuming duties to a whole new level – upgrading to security detail while you were away! 🤖🔒 Guess the Roomba is all about keeping your home clean and secure. Just make sure it doesn't start demanding a paycheck next! 😂 #RoombaBossMode