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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Don’t worry, you’ll find the lost scissors when you’ll be searching for your glasses.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

The greatest trick ever was making people feel more connected, when they are actually more alone than ever.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Parents may forget many things, but they never forget who brought the noisy toys into the house.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

It’s interesting growing up and discovering that most adults are not that clever. I had my suspicions as a kid but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

What’s said in the blanket fort, stays in the blanket fort.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

I saw The Blair Witch Project way too young and it made me afraid of projects.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

I want a pet eagle that’s trained to steal people’s sandwiches for me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,482

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

Whoever said “out of sight out of mind” never lost a spider in the bedroom.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

You’re not a knight in shining armor, you’re just a knob in Under Armour.

Going viral on Discord:

All my passwords are protected, by my poor memory.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Whoever named them fitting rooms has a lot of nerve.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Having leftover pizza for breakfast is an actual blessing.

Shared recently on Slack:

I try to find the good in every situation. Wait, no – that was a typo. Food. I try to find the food in every situation.

Breaking via Facebook:

Coding: Where incessantly talking to yourself seems completely normal and debugging is like being a detective in a movie where you are both the detective and the perpetrator.

Just shared via Twitch:

I think one of my biggest hangups in getting better at Spanish is that speaking with the correct accent makes me feel racist.

Live now on Messenger:

There’s never a good place to clip your toenails at the library.

Going bananas on Threads:

I tried to clean up my Chrome tabs but it turns out all 200 of them contain information that is vital for my survival.

481 Funny need quotes

Funny need quotes are all about those moments when you “need” something in the most dramatic way possible! 😩💥 Whether it’s a cup of coffee, a vacation, or just five more minutes of sleep, these quotes highlight the humorous side of our deepest (and sometimes ridiculous) needs. Who knew “need” could be so funny? 😂☕⏳

New funny need quotes 👇

For even more funny need quotes, hit next 👇

All funny need quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on X this month:

It’s important to set an alarm the first day of school, so you remember to pick up the kids.

89 shares on Instagram this month:

Like many men my age, my biggest regret is hiring the inexpensive hitman.

59 shares on Instagram this month:

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

71 shares on Telegram this month:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Also shame on you. Stop foolin’ me, I am pure.

33 shares on Reddit this month:

I feel like everyone who has ever had a hamster has some kind of traumatic experience with it.

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I won’t be accepting any parcels for the neighbors in December this year. Last year it was all junk.

70 shares on Telegram this month:

Stop checking up on your friends, and check up on me.

50 shares on Telegram this month:

I hate when someone you love says mean things like, “It’s time to wake up.”

90 shares on WeChat this month:

Anyone got any good sins for someone just getting into sinning?

11 shares on Slack this month:

Most of my shoulder workout comes from shrugging when people ask me questions.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My brain is on airplane mode today.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

How quickly family vacations go from “Omg, we only have 4 days left” to “Omg, we still have 4 days left”

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m sorry I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Teens be like, “I wanted to do that until you asked me to.”

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Avoid calls from pesky bill collectors by not paying your phone bill.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

People say that they want to be tall, but don’t realize how many times tall people are assaulted by spiderwebs.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m best man at my buddy’s second wedding. Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with “Welcome back everyone”?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Situation monitoring is not for the uncaffeinated.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,479

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

I tell people I rearrange my furniture to change things up, but we all know it’s to annoy my husband.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

I’ve learned two important things in life, I can’t remember the first one, but the second one is to write everything down.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Why do coffee beans smell so good, and coffee breath is like bleh?

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

May her tire get flat with a dude who can’t change it.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

A collective orgasm would fix the world.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

The most productive species of beaver is the Eager.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

The older I get, the more I understand why witches lived alone in the woods.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Unpopular opinion: we really grew up in the best era to be a kid, and the worst era to be an adult.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

A fly swatter, but for close talkers.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

At the beginning of a relationship, people call their partner’s odd behavior “cute little quirks”. Some years later, the police call it “motive”.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

We are both insane on the web, I think we can make it work.

Live now on YouTube:

Don’t blame the alcohol. You were an idiot before you started drinking.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

Breaking via Telegram:

Having a sore throat as a giraffe must really suck.

Trending via Discord:

The Gen Z stare. The millennial pause. Instead, let’s talk about the boomer inappropriate personal question.

Trending via Reddit:

Ordering 600 pizzas from Washington, D.C., to rug pull on Polymarket.

Making waves on Facebook:

Men love to show you a YouTube video. It is a sign of deep respect in their culture.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

IKEA is the swedish word for “relationship meltdown in a public place.”

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Imagine how loud a centipede would be if they wore tiny little flip flops.

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