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5 months ago
Share →: People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

Commentary:
"Who needs opposites when you can find someone to be double the chaos with? 🤪🤪 It’s like having a partner in crime, except the crime is being overwhelmingly annoying together! 😜👯‍♂️ #DoubleTrouble #CrazyLove"
5 months ago
Share →: NFTs were less about the money and more about the friends you scammed along the way.

Commentary:
"Looks like NFTs turned into 'Non-Fungible Treacheries'! 😂🎨💸 Sorry pals, apparently friendship wasn't as 'immutable' as the blockchain after all! #NFTs #CryptoScams"
5 months ago
Share →: The horror of being warned that the person you’re about to meet is “fine once you get to know them”.

Commentary:
Oh, the classic "fine once you get to know them" warning – the social equivalent of a puzzle box with a missing piece! 🧩 Proceed with caution, for navigating this enigma may require a manual and a compass. 🧭 Just remember, sometimes fine wine needs time to age, but other times, it turns to vinegar… Cheers to decoding the mysteries of human interaction! 🍷😄
5 months ago
Share →: I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone is ready to sweep away the drama like last year's confetti! 🎉 Better apologize now or prepare for a year of being ghosted faster than you can say 'resolution'! 🚫✨ #NewYearNewMe"
5 months ago
Share →: Men: Masters of multitasking – can watch sports, ignore laundry, and forget your birthday, all at once.

Commentary:
"Men: Masters of multitasking – balancing sports 🏈, laundry 🧺, and remembering important dates like your birthday 🎉…whoops, scratch that last one! 😂"
5 months ago
Share →: In my 20’s: I want to find true love. In my 40’s: I just want a toaster that gets me.

Commentary:
Ah, the evolution of priorities! 🤣 Who needs love when you can have a perfectly toasted slice of bread, am I right? 🍞🔥 Priorities shift from heart-shaped endeavors to just hoping for a toaster that understands your toasting preferences. Life sure takes some unexpected turns! 😂
5 months ago
Share →: The Bachelor is like “Meet Savannah from Brooklyn, Madison from Savannah, Brooklyn from Madison”

Commentary:
Looks like they all got lost on their way to self-discovery and ended up in a geography puzzle instead! 🌍🤷‍♂️ #BachelorNationMixup
5 months ago
Share →: I need new friends. The old ones know too much.

Commentary:
"Looking for new friends to keep things exciting and keep my secrets safe! 🤫🤣 Who else is on the hunt for fresh confidants? #OutWithTheOld #InWithTheNew"
5 months ago
Share →: Instead of meeting any new people, I would much rather un-meet the ones I already know.

Commentary:
"I've reached expert level in the art of 'reverse networking' – un-meeting people faster than Tinder swipes. 🔄🙅‍♂️ Who needs new friends when you can just avoid old ones with ninja-like precision? 😎💔 #SocializingLevelZero"
5 months ago
Share →: Don’t rub your happiness in people’s faces this Valentine’s Day. Let the couples enjoy themselves for once.

Commentary:
"Remember, on Valentine's Day, it's important to sprinkle your happiness, not rub it in like a glitter bomb 💖 Let the couples have their moment, because let's be honest, we all know they'll go back to arguing over who left the toilet seat up tomorrow anyway! 🚽😆 #SpreadLoveNotToiletSeatIssues"