Wordgag ツ

6 months ago
Share →: The first 7 days of the week aren’t for me.

Commentary:
"Who knew Mondays could have such a long extension, right? 🙃 Maybe we should petition to shorten the first 7 days of the week to just 1 day – the elusive 'Fri-monsun'! 😂 #weekendwarrior"
6 months ago
Share →: Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

Commentary:
"Who needs a snooze button when you can sleep like a champ all night long? 😴🌙 No midnight bathroom trips for this sleep superstar! 💪🚽 Sweet dreams and dry sheets, folks! 😄 #SleepGoals"
6 months ago
Share →: If I ever die on some hill, rest assured, something fishy is going on.

Commentary:
"If my demise involves a hill and a fishy situation, it's safe to say I didn't go down without a trout 😉🐟 #FishyBusiness"
6 months ago
Share →: One pretty important part of being a dad is walking faster than the rest of your family through an airport.

Commentary:
"Ah, the timeless dad skill of airport speed-walking, leading the family caravan to victory one step at a time! 🚶‍♂️💨 It's not a race, but hey, winning never hurts! 😄 #DadGoals"
6 months ago
Share →: My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

Commentary:
Oh, the ultimate crime – cheesecake theft in the name of good food and poor hearing! 🍰🚪 At least now he knows that if he wants a slice of that delicious dessert, he better make sure to shout louder next time! 🔒😂
6 months ago
Share →: I used to schedule naps, but now they’re little surprise parties my body throws at all hours of the day.

Commentary:
"Who needs a personal assistant when your body is the master party planner?! 🎉💤 Just when you thought you had your day all planned out, surprise nap party! Your body sure knows how to keep things interesting! 😂 #NapTimeFun"
6 months ago
Share →: Ever look at someone and think you could spend the rest of your life saying “What?” to this person?

Commentary:
"Ever feel like you need subtitles just to understand what on earth this person is saying? 🤔 Maybe you two are just speaking different languages – the language of confusion and bewilderment! 😂😜 Who needs clarity and understanding when you can just keep asking 'What?' for eternity! 🤷‍♂️🤣"
6 months ago
Share →: Look, a three-day weekend is all I ask. The rest can be four-day weekends.

Commentary:
"I mean, who doesn't love a good extended weekend? 🙌 Three-day weekends are like the appetizer of time off – just enough to whet your appetite for relaxation. And hey, if we can make it a regular thing, then four-day weekends can be the main course! 🍔🍟 Who needs a full work week when you can have more weekends, am I right? 😂 #WeekendWarrior"
6 months ago
Share →: I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

Commentary:
"Lesson learned the hard way: a coffee stain on a white sweater is not a fashion statement, no matter how hard you try ☕️🚗 #DrivingDisasters"
6 months ago
Share →: I won’t rest until a cure for insomnia is found.

Commentary:
"I never sleep, 'cause sleep is the cousin of death." – Nas 😴🚫💤 #InsomniacGoals