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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Sorry I’m late, my song came on at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Anyone know how to create an Outlook rule that sends every email to junk, deletes it, blocks the sender, and sets my laptop on fire?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

You were there at the beginning of the Internet if you’ve heard the following: “Get off the web, I need to make a call!”

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

I hope nobody sees me eating by myself and feels sorry for me. I’m having the time of my life.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Kids are like pancakes. The first one is always a bit strange.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

When I look at the world, I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re always sleepy unless you’re trying to get to sleep.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,688

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Snapchat:

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

(While my wife opens up her Christmas present) Remember when you said we needed milk?

Trending via Snapchat:

In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”

Seen just now on Facebook:

Quitting my job to rock around the Christmas tree.

Going bananas on X:

Fries, not lies.

Just landed via Messenger:

If you are into coding, pivot to hunting and gathering.

Shared recently on Telegram:

“Your password is too weak.” Just wait until you see my will to live.

Making waves on X:

Imagine hating me, and I’m over here with one hand in my pocket, and the other one giving a high five.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Show me another rule so I can break that one too.

Spotted on Messenger:

The only narcissist I allow in my life is my cat.

11 Funny rush quotes

Funny rush quotes bring a hilarious twist to those crazy moments when life speeds up 🚀😂 Whether you’re racing against time ⏰ or just trying to keep up with the chaos, these witty lines add a splash of humor to the hustle. Perfect for sharing a laugh with friends or easing the stress of a mad dash, get ready to giggle your way through the frenzy! 😜💨 #RushHourComedy

New funny rush quotes 👇

Stop rushing in the morning. You’re starting your day in panic mode.

18 hours ago

advice, day, humor, management, mode, morning, panic, rush, start, start day, starting, stop, stress, time, time management
The older I get, the more I realize that being rushed by someone is a form of manipulation.

2 weeks ago

age, being, form, humor, i, lesson, life, life lesson, manipulation, older, realization, realize, rush, someone
When I’m dying, please rush me to the nearest haunted house. I don’t want to haunt a shitty apartment by myself.

2 months ago

apartment, dark, dark humor, death, dying, ghost, ghost story, haunt, haunted, haunted house, house, humor, i, me, myself, please, rush, spooky, story, supernatural, want
When you’re late for work, you gotta walk in fast and act like you’re mad.

2 months ago

act, attitude, fast, humor, late, mad, office, rush, walk, work
Don’t rush into a relationship. Be friends first. Maybe they have hotter friends. Thank me later.

2 months ago

advice, dating, dating advice, friend, friends, friendship, gratitude, hot, hot friend, hotter, humor, later, me, relationship, rush, thank
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

2 months ago

call, city, city life, hour, humor, irony, life, moves, nothing, nothing moves, observation, rush, rush hour, time, traffic
I can’t believe I slept good all night. What a rush.

2 months ago

believe, good, humor, i, night, rest, rush, sleep, surprise
I drive home so quick after work like I’m late for the house.

2 months ago

after, drive, home, house, humor, i, late, quick, rush, work
I take issue with furniture that deliberately moves 1 inch when you’re in a rush to get by.

2 months ago

annoyance, design, furniture, humor, i, inconvenience, issue, movement, moves, rush, take
Don’t rush me, I’m still deciding whether I’ll be productive or not today!

3 months ago

choice, day, decision, humor, lazy, lazy day, me, motivation, procrastination, productivity, rush, still, today

For even more funny rush quotes, hit next 👇

All funny rush quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Before you try to save someone, make sure you’re not interrupting their karma.

57 shares on Facebook this month:

Your honor, my client doesn’t like jail.

56 shares on Twitch this month:

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

46 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Fun fact: The US was originally not meant to be a reality TV show.

91 shares on Reddit this month:

Sometimes people just need you to be genuine with them, and I personally have no problem pretending to do that.

87 shares on Facebook this month:

Girls love a gay best friend until he turns 35 and asks to borrow your womb.

24 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Has someone told the whales that they can’t sing?

17 shares on X this month:

Before I agree to the new year, I wanna read the terms and conditions.

14 shares on Twitch this month:

I would only enjoy the Met Gala if at the end of that runway they all walked into a volcano.

42 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you fall asleep long enough, the steering wheel gives you a pillow.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Yes, I am super annoying, but don’t worry, it’s just permanent.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Opening a bakery and calling it “I’m a crepe. I’m a weird dough.”

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Saying “You’re tearing this family apart” whenever someone argues with me.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t do anything with my life except romanticize and decay with indecision.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Tech enthusiasts: My entire house is smart. Tech workers: The only piece of technology in my house is a printer, and I keep a gun next to it so I can shoot it if it makes a noise I don’t recognize.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this family party started.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Aging isn’t even 1% as scary as whatever is going on with the people trying not to.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

At what point is a salad no longer a salad based on how much bacon I add?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The only thing that has grown faster than rents in recent years is the overtime we have to work to pay them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,447

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Tiime isn’t on my side, it’s on my face, wrinkling my forehead.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

The class: “You want us to do what?” Super Mario: “Jump around, catch and eat the giant mushroom, bang your head against the crates and, if necessary, crush all the critters. It’sa easy!”

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

If I were Juliet, I would NOT be pleased to find a man standing under my balcony at midnight. Sir, I am in my jim-jams.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Donuts are beautiful creatures, and they deserve their own week on the nature channels.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

When I was a kid, no phones or tablets. We just read the cereal box at breakfast.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

“I’m fluent in creating worst-case scenarios in my head.”

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

I’m just impressed by how ugly I’m willing to look in public these day.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. Imagine having absolutely nobody to blame when you’re late.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Just once I’d like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.

Just landed via Facebook:

There should be guide dogs that prevent you from making bad decisions.

Just landed via Discord:

I wonder how long you could drive in a roundabout before a cop would be like, hey, you can’t do that anymore.

Going viral on X:

I recently saw a documentary about dinosaurs. They simply ate everyone they didn’t like. I like that concept.

Going viral on Slack:

I wish I had the confidence of someone who would let themselves be tattooed in a place they can’t see.

Just shared via Discord:

Laziness is the art to rest before one gets tired.

Broadcasted on X:

In my 20’s: why is eating healthy such a big deal anyways. In my 40’s: oh.

Breaking via Discord:

I can understand why chickens wake up and scream.

Just shared via Telegram:

Is it possible to die of horniness? Asking for a friend.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

When I was a kid, I had to walk to Netflix.

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