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159 Funny tell quotes

Your car antlers tell me everything I need to know about you.

3 months ago

Tell your dog I said woof woof.

3 months ago

You can really tell somebody’s mental state by they hair.

3 months ago

How do you tell someone that you will probably end up marrying them, but in a casual way?

3 months ago

If you order a pizza with veggies on it, you can tell people you had a salad.

3 months ago

All I’m dealing with is broken people. Lord, if I’m a mechanic, please tell me.

3 months ago

If you tell me to make myself at home, I’m going to ask you to leave.

3 months ago

I love when someone is telling a story and you can tell even from their version that they’re the villain.

3 months ago

Hello! I’m Britain’s greatest spy and my catchphrase is: I tell you my real surname, then my real forename, then my real surname again, in case you missed it.

3 months ago

“Baby on board” Okay, well, can you tell him to drive faster?

3 months ago

People on Facebook be like “can anyone tell me about a thing I can easily Google myself?”

3 months ago

People always tell me I’d be “late to my own funeral” like it’s a bad thing. They’d be lucky if I even showed up to that depressing shit.

3 months ago

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

3 months ago

Don’t tell me to trust my gut. Thats where I put my snacks. Clearly that’s where I’m the weakest.

3 months ago

I might start telling people I’m 10 years older than I actually am just so they can tell me how great I look for my age.

3 months ago

A haunted house, but it’s just a room full of people asking you to tell them a fun fact about yourself.

3 months ago

Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

3 months ago

I don’t have read receipts on my phone because why would I tell on myself like that?

3 months ago

Promising I won’t tell anyone your secret doesn’t include my husband. He’s basically my diary.

3 months ago

Actors in black and white movies were often putting their lives in danger during driving scenes, as they weren’t able to tell if the traffic light was red or green.

3 months ago