160 Funny things quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Tried Adderall to help my productivity but now I’m just intensely aware of all the things I should be doing.

  Commentary:
  "Adderall: for when you need to be hyper-focused on procrastinating 🙈💊 #ProductivityStruggles"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Counting calories is a great way to combine super fun things like math and not eating.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew that math and starvation could be such a riot 🤓🍴! Counting calories: the ultimate multitasking experience for those looking to crunch numbers while hunger strikes! 🧮🍔 #MathNerd #HangryHilarity"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Not to brag, but I can trip over things that aren’t even there!

  Commentary:
  "Who needs invisibility when you've got impeccable tripping skills, right? 💁‍♂️🤷‍♀️ Watch out, sidewalks and air particles, nothing can escape my klutzy charm! 🚶‍♂️🚫🤪"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: My back hurts too much to lean over anymore, going to have to resort to picking things up with a deep curtsy.

  Commentary:
  Looks like a royal decree for a new way of picking things up! 👑🤣 Who needs a bow when you can gracefully curtsy your way to success? All hail the back-saving curtsy technique! 💁‍♀️ #BowVsCurtsy #RoyalPainInMyBack

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  5 months ago

  Share →: The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

  Commentary:
  "Who says men can't multitask? 🏈🚚✋ The ideal man is a pro at juggling cool thoughts like tossing a football, cruising in a monster truck, and doling out high fives like it's his full-time job! Just another day in the life of a true legend."

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  5 months ago

  Share →: They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the eternal struggle between punctuality and perfection! 🕰️⏳ Who has the time to be punctual when you're busy crafting greatness? 😄 Better late with flair than early and bland, am I right? ⏰🤷‍♂️"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I need someone to peer pressure me into doing things.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a motivational coach when you've got a peer pressure squad standing by? 😂👯‍♂️ Just remember, choose your peer pressure pals wisely – might end up trying skydiving or eating exotic foods before you know it! 🪂🍜"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I miss the good ol’ days until I remember things like having to get out of my chair and smack the TV to get a clearer picture.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the nostalgia for simpler times…when "adjusting the antenna" was a high-stakes mission requiring Jedi-like precision and a firm hand! 📺💥 Who needs streaming services when you've got the power of percussive maintenance, am I right? 😉 #ThrowbackThursdays #TheOriginalRemoteControl

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

  Commentary:
  Looks like someone has truly mastered the art of procrastination! 🤹‍♂️💼 Why finish one task now when you can put off a whole bunch of them simultaneously? Talk about efficiency in delaying tactics! 😂 #ProcrastinationGoals

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the ultimate retirement plan – moving in with your successful kids! 🏠💸 Just make sure they have a big enough couch for you to crash on! 😜🛋️"

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