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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Spices were first brought to Western Europe in the Middle Ages. Some of them are still at the back of my cupboard.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

I hate Valentine’s Day but I do enjoy infant archery.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

“Easy like Sunday morning” is something people with no kids say.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

‘Tis the season to wrap objects in colorful paper with the fine motor skills of a T-Rex.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

You’d think a philharmonic orchestra would have at least one harmonica, but nope.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

How long past date can I eat eggs? Like are they still good or am I naming them now?

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

My goal weight is getting a magician to saw me in half.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 10. Simple meth.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Jesus, I need money to organize your birthday.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,349

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Pinterest:

I’ve got the longest to-do list for today, just need to figure out who is going to do it.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Wanna come over and see my mis-matched sock collection?

Shared recently on WeChat:

The sexual tension between me and the person I’m not supposed to have any sexual tension with.

Trending via Messenger:

I’d rather you don’t watch me while I’m liking my own post.

Just landed via TikTok:

If you’re ever wondering what to do in an uncomfortable situation, just think “What would teenage me do?” And then do the opposite of that.

Seen just now on Threads:

I signed up to the gym a few months ago and still don’t see any results. I’ll go by there this weekend and ask what’s going on.

Trending via X:

Don’t let anyone tell you, you can’t do something. Show them you can’t.

Shared recently on Threads:

If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

Seen just now on TikTok:

If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

Live now on TikTok:

That moment when you cut into a seedless watermelon and find out it’s only allegedly seedless.

Funny ticket quotes

Funny ticket quotes 🚦 are the perfect way to turn a frustrating moment into a hilarious memory 😂! Whether you’ve been caught speeding or got a parking ticket 🚗, these witty lines will have you laughing instead of stressing. Ready to lighten up those fines and share a smile? Let’s dive into some clever and cheeky sayings that make every ticket a little less painful! 🎟️🤣

New funny ticket quotes 👇

Currently looking for tickets for the first flight back to the ’90s.

0

2 months ago

90s, back, flight, humor, looking, nostalgia, ticket, tickets, time, time travel, travel
Work can be tiring at times, and you might feel like quitting. But remember those plane tickets.

0

2 months ago

feel, motivation, plane, plane ticket, quitting, remember, reminder, ticket, tickets, times, tired, tiring, travel, work
Spending all my money on lottery tickets so I’ll either be rich or poor, none of this wishy-washy stuff in the middle.

0

2 months ago

choice, decision, financial, financial decision, gamble, humor, life, life choice, lottery, lottery ticket, money, poor, rich, spending, stuff, ticket, wishy-washy
For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

0

2 months ago

adventure, another, future, humor, i, planet, ticket, travel, wish
If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $1 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst anniversary gifts ever.

0

2 months ago

1, anniversary, anything, bad, bad luck, ever, expectations, gift, gifts, going, humor, luck, marriage, scratch, scratch ticket, ticket, wife, win, worst
If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

0

2 months ago

2, bad, bad gift, birthday, disappointment, ever, expectations, gambling, gift, going, humor, present, scratch, scratch ticket, ticket, wife, win, worst
Why do plane tickets have to be so expensive? You’re literally going that way anyway. Just give me a ride.

0

2 months ago

cost, expensive, give, going, humor, irony, just, me, plane, plane ticket, ride, ticket, transportation, travel
The police sent me a photo radar ticket so I sent them a photo of a hundred dollars, so I guess we’re even.

0

2 months ago

dollars, even, guess, humor, i, joke, me, money, photo, police, radar, ticket
Why are plane tickets so expensive? You’re going that way anyway, just give me a ride.

0

4 months ago

airfare, expense, expensive, give, going, humor, joke, just, me, plane, plane ticket, ride, ticket, tickets, transportation, travel, why

All funny ticket quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Twitch this month:

House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

24 shares on Slack this month:

I taped a picture of my paycheck on my front door to keep all the solicitors away.

64 shares on Facebook this month:

You don’t scare me. You’re not the evil eye I get from my dog when I make him get up from the couch so I can lay down.

59 shares on TikTok this month:

There aren’t any emojis that really express any meaningful sort of anguish.

55 shares on X this month:

Thunder is fake. It doesn’t even sync up properly with lightning. There’s some guy who waits till he sees lightning and then he presses the thunder button.

45 shares on Instagram this month:

What do you mean I never reach out? I literally thought about you.

47 shares on Twitch this month:

The only ‘survival horror’ game I play is called ‘getting up every day and leaving the house.

73 shares on Pinterest this month:

God: “I genuinely don’t remember making you all this stupid.”

51 shares on Reddit this month:

If you feel fat and sad just know it’s someone out there fatter than you.

97 shares on X this month:

I’m professionally employed and personally unhinged. Balance.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting out of a sports bra looks like it should be a professional women’s sport.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please put some money in its pocket.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so hot that my shadow just went back inside and gave me the finger.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have a favorite vegetable peeler.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Just the owls and I out here enjoying the breeze amongst the trees.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not exaggerating when I say, if I ever clogged a toilet at work, I would immediately quit, change my name, and then move to a different city.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

That one unemployed roommate who gets a package every day.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

In the autumn there are two types of creatures who collect acorns: squirrels and toddlers.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

One minute you’re young and carefree. The next minute you can feel in your knee when it starts to rain.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a vacation… while still on vacation.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,523

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?” And I told him, “No, it doesn’t.”

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

I think it’s clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

I asked myself if I was toxic and we said no.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Wearing a condom while she’s on birth control is called two-factor authentication.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

In a massage chair at the mall just moaning really loud.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making, and now, I can’t read anything.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel booking website.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Yesterday I really wanted tacos and now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams!

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Slack:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I’m not alone. I have ants.

Just shared via Instagram:

I think it’s time when we buy new clothes that we have the option to buy the body they’re being modelled in too.

Just landed via Discord:

I don’t get mad anymore. I’m just like “again?” Ok then.

Shared recently on Messenger:

The internet is fun because you can post about mayonnaise and somehow end up in a fight.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Spent most of the day making sure the couch still works. So far so good.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Just once I wanna slide down a dinosaur at the end of my workday, is that too much to ask for?

Just landed via TikTok:

No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Anyone else brush their teeth in the shower so they can get a little sloppy with it, or is that just me?

Going bananas on Discord:

Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must have been none of your business, then.

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