74 Funny together quotes

• White elephant: Nothing brings people together like fighting over absolute garbage.

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  1 week ago

  competition, elephant, exchange, fight, fighting, game, garbage, gift, gift exchange, holiday, holiday game, humor, nothing, over, people, together, white, white elephant

• Just got chills imagining what Tom and Jerry could accomplish if they just worked together for once.

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  3 weeks ago

  accomplish, cartoon, collaboration, funny thought, got, humor, imagination, jerry, just, once, partnership, teamwork, thought, together, tom

• That masculine urge to completely avoid relationships until you get your life together.

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  3 weeks ago

  avoid, avoidance, dating, growth, humor, life, masculine, masculine urge, personal, personal growth, relationship, relationships, together, urge

• Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.

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  1 month ago

  disappointment, every, Friday, getting, humor, i, life, motivation, plans, procrastination, self-improvement, together, weekend

• I’ve been so stressed about getting my shit together that I haven’t gotten any of my shit together.

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  1 month ago

  getting, humor, i, life, motivation, procrastination, self-improvement, shit, stress, together

• There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

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  1 month ago

  chair, count, English, English language, enough, express, expression, frustration, hit, humor, i, insult, language, much, never, properly, sarcasm, string, together, violence, want, word, word count, words

• The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?

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  1 month ago

  back, bad, bad habit, bundle, communication, habit, habits, humanity, humor, i, me, message, mushroom, need, psychedelic, response, self-improvement, shit, tell, together, told, us, weeks

• Not everyone realizes this, but if you clean the pile of receipts out of a purse and stack them together, it makes a teeny tiny book about why you’re broke.

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  1 month ago

  book, broke, budget, clean, cleaning, everyone, financial, humor, money, pile, purse, receipt, spending, tiny, together, why

• You are depressed because your ancestors fought, danced, and ate meals together, and you eat alone in the dark while staring at a glowing rectangle.

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  1 month ago

  alone, ancestor, ancestors, dance, dark, darkness, depressed, depression, eat, eating, eating alone, fight, glowing, glowing rectangle, loneliness, meal, meals, rectangle, staring, technology, together, while

• A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

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  1 month ago

  couple, humor, know, life, marriage, problem, problems, relationship, single, solving, together

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