75 funny together quotes - Page 2 - Wordgag

Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.

Mar 29, 2026

True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people… together.

Mar 28, 2026

Why is Subway asking me for a tip? Bro, we made this sandwich together.

Mar 28, 2026

We go together like Drunk and Disorderly.

Mar 28, 2026

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together to get a piece of wood.

Mar 28, 2026

Holding it together with duct tape and sarcasm.

Mar 28, 2026

Your hoodie strings are uneven. Go home and get your shit together!

Mar 28, 2026

Does anyone know where I can get my shit together?

Mar 28, 2026

We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

Mar 27, 2026

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

Mar 27, 2026

Shoutout to everyone pretending to have it together. Same.

Mar 27, 2026

Don’t worry, guys. Together we can eliminate logic and reason on social media. I see some of you are already ahead of the game. Way to go!

Mar 27, 2026

Much like lasagna, I’m just held together by cheese at this point.

Mar 27, 2026

I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends.

Mar 27, 2026

If we all club together we could raise enough money to buy Monday and have it destroyed.

Mar 26, 2026

I held the door for an old person today and he was like, “didn’t we go to high school together” and we did.

Mar 26, 2026

I’m not a 10. I’m more like two 5s held together by cheese and chocolate.

Mar 26, 2026

This economy requires two hustlers working together – not a hustler and a leech. It’s too expensive to be out here carrying dead weight.

Mar 26, 2026

There’s going to be a full moon this Christmas! Because mixing family and alcohol together wasn’t enough…

Mar 26, 2026

The worst thing you can do when you notice your kids are playing nicely together is telling them that they’re playing nicely together.

Mar 26, 2026

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

Mar 25, 2026

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

Mar 25, 2026

Somebody needs to get my shit together.

Mar 25, 2026

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

Mar 25, 2026

Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

Mar 25, 2026

Just saw two identical twins out in public together. No disrespect to that lifestyle but please keep it private.

Mar 25, 2026

Only after moving in together do you realize your girlfriend’s little quirks. Mine, for example, stores vegetables in the beer compartment.

Mar 25, 2026

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

Mar 25, 2026

You can never really “own” earbuds. You just have to appreciate the time you had together.

Mar 25, 2026

I hate when an old man tries to friend me on Facebook and then I realize we went to high school together.

Mar 25, 2026

Handshakes should be banned. Touch our naked body parts together for all the world to see? Gross!

Mar 24, 2026

Nothing brings neighbors together like a few cops cars in front of another neighbor’s house that no one likes.

Mar 24, 2026

Socks teach us that being made for each other does not mean being together.

Mar 24, 2026

My boyfriend moved in with me straight from Hotel Mama. In a way, I’m now a single parent.

Mar 24, 2026

Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from social media posts.

Mar 24, 2026