75 funny together quotes - Page 2 - Wordgag

Does anyone know where I can get my shit together?

May 25, 2026

We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

May 24, 2026

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

May 24, 2026

Shoutout to everyone pretending to have it together. Same.

May 24, 2026

Don’t worry, guys. Together we can eliminate logic and reason on social media. I see some of you are already ahead of the game. Way to go!

May 24, 2026

Much like lasagna, I’m just held together by cheese at this point.

May 24, 2026

I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends.

May 24, 2026

If we all club together we could raise enough money to buy Monday and have it destroyed.

May 23, 2026

I held the door for an old person today and he was like, “didn’t we go to high school together” and we did.

May 23, 2026

I’m not a 10. I’m more like two 5s held together by cheese and chocolate.

May 23, 2026

This economy requires two hustlers working together – not a hustler and a leech. It’s too expensive to be out here carrying dead weight.

May 23, 2026

There’s going to be a full moon this Christmas! Because mixing family and alcohol together wasn’t enough…

May 23, 2026

The worst thing you can do when you notice your kids are playing nicely together is telling them that they’re playing nicely together.

May 22, 2026

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

May 22, 2026

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

May 22, 2026

Somebody needs to get my shit together.

May 22, 2026

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

May 22, 2026

Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

May 22, 2026

Just saw two identical twins out in public together. No disrespect to that lifestyle but please keep it private.

May 22, 2026

Only after moving in together do you realize your girlfriend’s little quirks. Mine, for example, stores vegetables in the beer compartment.

May 22, 2026

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

May 22, 2026

You can never really “own” earbuds. You just have to appreciate the time you had together.

May 22, 2026

I hate when an old man tries to friend me on Facebook and then I realize we went to high school together.

May 22, 2026

Handshakes should be banned. Touch our naked body parts together for all the world to see? Gross!

May 21, 2026

Nothing brings neighbors together like a few cops cars in front of another neighbor’s house that no one likes.

May 21, 2026

Socks teach us that being made for each other does not mean being together.

May 21, 2026

My boyfriend moved in with me straight from Hotel Mama. In a way, I’m now a single parent.

May 21, 2026

Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from social media posts.

May 21, 2026

Call me Frankenstein the way I’m piecing it together.

May 20, 2026

Nobody plays better together than siblings being told it’s bedtime.

May 20, 2026

Deeply unfair of people to assume I have my life together just because I’m boring.

May 20, 2026

I don’t mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.

May 20, 2026

Does anyone want to fall in love and split rent with me?

May 19, 2026

Gonna eat birthday cake all day because it’s someone’s birthday out there, and we’re about to celebrate together, stranger.

May 19, 2026

Moms be like, “I needed this,” and it’s really just a break from being the one who holds it all together every single day.

May 19, 2026