Commentary:
When cats and mice stop fighting, world domination begins! 🐱🐭💪🌍
78 Funny together quotes
That masculine urge to completely avoid relationships until you get your life together.
Commentary:
When your life's a work in progress but you're still waiting for the patch update 😂🚧 #RelationshipPatchNotes
Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.
Commentary:
Weekend resolutions: 0, Couch potato: 1 🛋️🥔🎉
I’ve been so stressed about getting my shit together that I haven’t gotten any of my shit together.
Commentary:
Looks like my 'get it together' plan is still under construction 🚧🛠️ Stress level: expert, productivity level: potato 🥔
There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.
Commentary:
Wow, with all those words, you'd think there'd be at least a polite way to schedule a chair appointment! 🙃🪑📚
The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?
Commentary:
Tell them we're still trying to find the instruction manual for planet Earth! 🚀📚🍄
Not everyone realizes this, but if you clean the pile of receipts out of a purse and stack them together, it makes a teeny tiny book about why you’re broke.
Commentary:
When life gives you receipts, just remember you're writing your financial autobiography! 📚💸😂
You are depressed because your ancestors fought, danced, and ate meals together, and you eat alone in the dark while staring at a glowing rectangle.
Commentary:
Sounds like it's time to gather your bravery, bust some moves in the kitchen, and dine with your most loyal companion: the fridge light! 🤖✨🍽️
A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.
Commentary:
Teamwork makes the dreamwork… or at least makes more laundry! 😂👰🤵🧺
First date idea: we search for each other’s criminal history together.
Commentary:
Swipe right to "who's more wanted" 😂🔍❤️