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73 Funny unexpected quotes

New funny unexpected quotes 👇

  • I hate it when I’m outside, and an insect lands and crawls on my glasses, and for a split second, I think aliens have invaded.

    …

    Commentary:
    “Forget extraterrestrial life — I’m just over here swatting at imaginary UFOs! 👽🦟😂”

  • I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

    Commentary:
    “Five-year plan? I’m more of a ‘five-minute snack break’ kind of planner! 📝😂🍕”

  • We’re putting that movie you love back in theaters on one random Wednesday — and we’re not gonna tell you until Tuesday.

    Commentary:
    🎬 Surprise Movie Night: Because who doesn’t love an impromptu midweek movie mystery challenge? 🕵️‍♂️🍿

  • There is a giant spider on my dash so I’m going to have to buy a new car now.

    Commentary:
    “Time to upgrade from 4 wheels to 8 legs! 🕷️🚗💸”

  • I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

    Commentary:
    “Well, that’s one way to make a mythical mess! 🐉💩😂”

  • Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

    Commentary:
    “Guess even mosquitoes know how to make an impression! 😂🦟💋”

  • That “meeting canceled” ping is a gift from the Gods.

    Commentary:
    “When Zeus feels my pain and nixes the PowerPoint! 😂⚡️🙏”

  • That awkward moment when you’re about to leave work and your boss says “before you go”.

    Commentary:
    Ah, the classic “before you go” hook — because nothing says ‘happy hour’ like a surprise boss mission right at the exit! 😅🚪💼 It’s the professional version of “Do you have a minute?” just as you’re about to escape. Guess we all have that moment when our escape plans get hijacked by one last “important” task! 😂🤦‍♂️

  • Just heard my knee crack so loud I expected it to glow in the dark.

    Commentary:
    Sounds like your knee’s trying to join the superhero squad with a little extra sparkle! 💥🦵✨ Maybe next time, it’ll come with its own glow-in-the-dark badge. 😂🤩 Keep an eye out—your knees might just be planning a light show!

  • But he was so nice on the prison phone calls.

    Commentary:
    “Well, at least he mastered the art of being a ‘phone-y’ criminal! 🤣📞 Behind bars but sweet on the line, quite the recipe for a modern romance novel. #SweetTalker #PrisonCharm 😏”

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