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New funny quotes: 6 this month

15,831 funny quotes and pics

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Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

115 Funny unexpected quotes

Funny unexpected quotes celebrate those surprise moments that catch us off guard — and leave us laughing! 😂🎁 Whether it’s an accidental text to the wrong person, a plot twist in your own life, or realizing your “quick nap” turned into a full sleep cycle, these quotes prove that the unexpected is often the funniest part of the day. Because when life throws a curveball, might as well laugh while ducking! 😆⚾🙃

Getting a key tattoo, but getting it covered up with a doormat tattoo, so no one ever finds it.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Everyone thinks they’re brave right up until a goose starts chasing them.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Imagine earning a science degree then having to be a meteorologist who announces the prophecy of a groundhog.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Today my coworker asked if I wanted to hold her new baby and neither of us were prepared for me saying why?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Got thrown out of the grocery store for holding a rotisserie chicken up like Simba again.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I hate it when I’m cleaning the house and suddenly find a bowl of ice cream in my lap and my soap opera on.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Whoever said “out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear inside their tent.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Any room can be an escape room when you have diarrhea.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Whoever said “out of sight out of mind” never lost a spider in the bedroom.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

“I’m gonna sneak past you.” No you’re not. You’ve alerted me.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, “It’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Me, literally climbing out of a dumpster: Can I give you some personal advice?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

My favorite part about being sick is when you sneeze with a cough drop in your mouth and it launches across the room like a cruise missile.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

A really good magician could be living in your house and you would never know.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

How do you react when you see someone you respect on an e-scooter?

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Always be kind. You never know who has subscriptions to your favorite streaming apps.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

This could have been an email. Me, while attending a wedding ceremony.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

You don’t know your own leg strength until you’re kicking the end of a hotel tucked bed sheet.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Probably the most empowered I’ve ever felt was that time I stuck a fork in a socket.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

That pen in the junk drawer that hasn’t been used in four years picked today to have an attitude.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Yesterday I went to a fight and a baseball game broke out.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Toothpaste sure knows how to ruin whatever you’re drinking.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

I’m the kind of crazy you weren’t warned about because no one knew this level existed.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

People always love to claim that a celebrity’s death is “unexpected”, but they never actually release the data on which celebrities they expected to die that day.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Just did a seductive hair flip and an onion ring flew out.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

Prophecy class has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

Posted onMay 20, 2026

If you sit down to play a game of chess and your opponent punches you in the face, you’re not going to prevail by getting better at chess.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

I was having a great day, and then, people.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Thought getting captured by cannibals would be terrifying, but they’re actually feeding me really well.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

Getting sent money you didn’t ask for is very sexy.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

My five-year plan is to just see what happens.

Posted onMay 19, 2026

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