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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Stop wasting your money on beauty products. The secret to looking young is to wear a baseball cap with a propeller on it.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

They always say, there is someone for everyone… unfortunately, the person for me is a therapist.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

I suck at flirting. I’ll be like “is that so?”

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

I am the proud father of two content providers. I mean children. Two children.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

I bet the guy who named the sperm whale wasn’t allowed to name things anymore after that.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Ribbed condoms don’t even taste like ribs.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

I’m not addicted to coffee. We’re just very close.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

In America we have marijuana. In France they have oui’d.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

I hate the saying: “Get up, the sun is shining!” What am I supposed to do? Photosynthesis?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Dec 25, 2025

3,864

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Slack:

What happened to the huge corporate Christmas parties you see in all the ’90s movies? Seems like that doesn’t exist at all anymore.

Breaking via Discord:

Dad Hack: Get your teen’s attention instantly by pre-heating the oven.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Facebook is like a never-ending high school reunion.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Day number 3 without coffee: Lost hearing in my left eye.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Aliens: We are here to take over. Me: Thank God.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

She poured the milk before the cereal. It was not meant to be.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

My brain at 2 a.m.: “You up?”

Going bananas on X:

Why can’t more dumb people be shy?

Seen just now on Threads:

Call me constipated the way I don’t give a shit.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to kiss today.

Happy to report that “what time is it/time for you to get a watch” is still being used by the youths.

2 months ago

0

Happy to report that “what time is it/time for you to get a watch” is still being used by the youths.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, it looks like the timeless classic comeback of "what time is it/time for you to get a watch" is still ticking strong among the youths ⌚😂! Who knew that telling time could also tell us so much about Generation Z's sass levels! Keep clockin' those witty retorts, young ones! ⏰🕰️

being, communication, happy, humor, report, slang, still, time, used, watch, youth

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Ugh, those red and blue flashing lights are interfering with my driving and scrolling.

0

2 months ago

distraction, driving, flashing, flashing light, humor, light, multitasking, police, scrolling, technology
Had the bed all to myself last night, so you know what that means… I slept in a slightly different spot, and now my neck feels weird.

0

5 months ago

alone, bed, different, discomfort, feels, i, know, last, means, myself, neck, neck pain, night, pain, sleep, spot, weird
I’ll be like “I’m fine” then shake my leg at 150 mph.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, body, body language, fine, humor, language, leg, reaction, shake, speed
Ask your girlfriend for her ring size and then give her a personalized bowling ball.

0

2 months ago

activity, ask, ball, bowling, bowling ball, fun, fun activity, gift, gift idea, girlfriend, give, humor, idea, personalized, personalized gift, relationship, ring, ring size, size, surprise
Wrapping gifts on the floor after 50: 1% holiday spirit, 99% figuring out how to stand up without calling for help.

0

2 months ago

1, 50, activity, after, age, age humor, calling, floor, floor activity, gift, gift wrapping, gifts, help, holiday, holiday preparation, holiday spirit, humor, preparation, spirit, stand, standing, standing up, struggle, wrapping
Girl to girl: Please have at least two boyfriends.

0

2 months ago

advice, boyfriend, dating, girl, humor, least, please, relationship

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on X this month:

Caffeine: the adult version of fairy dust.

66 shares on Snapchat this month:

Okay, I’ve proved I’m not a robot, now you prove you’re not a human.

83 shares on Facebook this month:

Restaurants: put your phone down, live in the moment. Also, scan our QR code and browse our menu.

41 shares on Discord this month:

Your soulmate wouldn’t do you like that, by the way.

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

Your honor, I was under the impression it was hammer time.

85 shares on Pinterest this month:

Life hack: If you never leave the house you don’t have to worry about running into someone you don’t want to talk to.

80 shares on Slack this month:

Everyone’s all up in arms about how undemocratic the electoral college is and yet we let our weather be decided by a single unelected groundhog.

99 shares on Pinterest this month:

All quiet on the frontal lobe.

42 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Look away from your laptop for 1 second, and MS Teams will say you left the country.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

You come from dust and you will return to dust. That’s why I don’t dust. It could be someone I know.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t, too busy deleting screenshots of my lock screen.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

They give smokers all those breaks to make up for the time taken off their lifespan.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My therapist said I should face my fears. So I turned my phone back on.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately for everyone, I will keep doing whatever I want.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not saying Lois Lane is a bad investigative journalist, but my friend Greg didn’t wear glasses to work yesterday and I recognized him by lunch time.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

For Halloween, you should be mine.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been saving these cleavage crumbs just for you babe.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My wife trusts me with a joint bank account but when I’m loading the dishwasher she always walks in the kitchen “to get something.”

13 folks are currently checking 👀

And is your “sparkling personality” in the room with us now?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I shall have another coffee, for I am sleeping standing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Updated

Dec 25, 2025

Users Online

3,615

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Eat like your treadmill is watching.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

My cat and I talked it over and no we don’t think that I’m crazy.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

If your store’s bowl of water is just for pets, you should really put up a sign.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

The Epstein files are real, but they can’t figure out how to convert them to a PDF.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

What kind of psychopath wants to be the life of the party?

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

He’s a 10 but so is his volume.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Money is always a motive for murder. Stay broke.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Controlling your anger at work is a job in itself.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Sorry, I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off because I didn’t set it, because I don’t want to be here.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

Welcome to your 50s, you now take supplements to help your memory, but you can’t remember if you took them today.

Seen just now on Slack:

Worst part about not buying snacks so you won’t eat snacks is not having snacks when you need a lil snack.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Who needs therapy when you can just cry in a fast-food parking lot.

Going viral on Instagram:

I love being an adult and sitting absolutely still and suddenly I’ve hurt my neck somehow.

Live now on Snapchat:

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

One of the most disappointing things is when you get a severe thunderstorm warning, and there is no severe thunderstorm.

Trending via Instagram:

I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Scooby Doo was a woke-ass show. Every villain was just a landlord trying to scare people off their property so they could sell it.

Going viral on X:

I feel like you’re allowed to start your day at 4 p.m. if you are pure of heart.

Live now on Messenger:

I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.

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