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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Dating someone from Twitter is like choosing your spouse from a mental hospital.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Now that I got a library card, I’m moving differently.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

One of the voices in my head brought up an excellent point, so obviously he had to go.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Why did they call it painting your toenails and not graffeeti?

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping is when somebody else does it for me.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Sorry I’m late, I was fighting for my right to party.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Nonchalant men are not for me. I want mine to have a panic attack if we’re not talking.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Currently helping my kids find the chocolate that I ate last night.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

460 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,729

Funny Quotes Topics

17,751

Funny Quotes Images

15,729

Updated

Jan 14, 2026

Users Online

3,550

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

“I’m too pretty for this” is a very valid excuse, actually.

Breaking via Instagram:

If you love someone be brave enough to tell them. Otherwise be brave enough to watch them dating someone else.

Just landed via WeChat:

After cooking show a dishwashing show with same host but kind of drunk.

Just shared via YouTube:

The grass is only greener on the other side because of all the bullshit on it.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I’m experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep everyone away, whatever their profession.

Shared recently on Discord:

The belief that software engineers are uniquely intelligent has done unimaginable damage on society.

Freshly posted on Discord:

If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.

Making waves on Discord:

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Cowboy outfits should be called ranch dressing.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed their chest because of their belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

Happy to report that “what time is it/time for you to get a watch” is still being used by the youths.

Happy to report that “what time is it/time for you to get a watch” is still being used by the youths.
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Commentary:
Well, it looks like the timeless classic comeback of "what time is it/time for you to get a watch" is still ticking strong among the youths ⌚😂! Who knew that telling time could also tell us so much about Generation Z's sass levels! Keep clockin' those witty retorts, young ones! ⏰🕰️

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I used to think money is everything. I still think money is everything.

80 shares on Twitch this month:

Accidentally manifested an emotionally intelligent man that is hot and can cook. We’re currently staring at each other.

40 shares on Slack this month:

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

24 shares on Facebook this month:

Answering your cell when you don’t recognize the number is like picking up a hitchhiker.

96 shares on Threads this month:

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

66 shares on Twitch this month:

Long story short, I survived.

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

44 shares on Discord this month:

People who read and research will always sound crazy to people who don’t.

15 shares on Instagram this month:

Sometimes I glance over at my boyfriend, and he’s just looking at Google Maps, scrolling around.

29 shares on X this month:

Using my one phone call to call Santa.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

People who are on Twitter and put intelligent in their bio, good one.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

You want me to do Pilates? The thing that killed Jesus?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Are there cheat codes for parenting teenagers? This level is really hard.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Social media may have been a mistake.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s a good thing that our phones only convey sight and sound. No offense, but from most of you I would never want to receive a smelfie!

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Just shaved my whole body for Santa.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If a dog growled at me, I would try to understand where they’re coming from.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

50 shades of single.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Icarus loved hot wings.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

460 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,729

Funny Quotes Topics

17,751

Funny Quotes Images

15,729

Updated

Jan 14, 2026

Users Online

3,540

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

The concept of dominant hands is hilarious to me. That one of our hands is just like, “No, I’m not helping.”

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Lady on the streets, Cheeto crumbs in my sheets.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

I noticed my mouse problem is back an I yelled at my cats for being lazy and not doing their job, like I was in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

My dating era has come to an end. I’d like to thank those who participated.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

The people that ask Grok everything are the same people that follow Google Map directions straight into a lake.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

I hate that I present as an independent woman who doesn’t need any help. It’s a facade. Help me.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Days without shaking my head disapprovingly at myself: 0.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

I’m the ick in fantastic.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

My son put his dish in the sink so I rushed him to urgent care.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

I just looked over at my new shoes and the box says “vegan”. I’ve never had to feed my other shoes before.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via YouTube:

I’m so old, I still drink my coffee at home in the morning. From a real cup.

Going viral on WeChat:

The best thing about the internet is that you’re never the dumbest one here.

Going viral on Reddit:

I’m pretty sure by now that we’re some kind of satire channel on some other planet.

Freshly posted on Slack:

My body is a machine that turns traumatic experiences into 10 likes on X.

Going viral on Reddit:

Airports are the perfect place to see people who are experiencing their first day on Earth.

Just landed via YouTube:

He doesn’t realize it yet, but this Saturday, I’ll be asking him to untangle 400 feet of Christmas lights.

Breaking via Twitch:

It’s so cool when people who write for a living admit that they don’t read books or have thoughts.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”

Just shared via X:

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

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