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Commentary:
"Hungry me: 'Who cares about the bathroom scale? Food is life! 🍔🍰' Bathroom scale me: 'I thought we had a deal!' 🤨⚖️ #FoodVersusWeight #HungryBrainWins"

bathroom, food, humor, hungry, me, respect, scale, weight

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Accidentally became important at work and it’s ruining my life.

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2 months ago

accident, accidentally, humor, important, life, responsibility, ruining, stress, work
Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.

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2 months ago

checking, couple, flowers, gardening, growth, here, hobby, hours, humor, i, impatience, me, nature, place, planting, progress, seeds
If you’re not getting spoiled, then spoil yourself.

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5 months ago

getting, humor, indulgence, motivation, self-care, spoil, spoiled, treat yourself, yourself
If I was in Jaws, instead of wishing for a bigger boat, I probably would have just asked for a smaller shark.

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2 months ago

asked, bigger, boat, humor, i, Jaws, just, movie, shark, smaller, wish, wishing
I wonder how many people think, “What the hell?” after talking to me.

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2 months ago

after, awkwardness, communication, funny thought, hell, humor, i, interaction, me, people, self-reflection, social, social interaction, talking, think, thought, wonder
Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didn’t say goodbye to me the day before.

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2 months ago

before, daily, daily routine, day, draw, etiquette, every, everyone, exaggeration, goodbye, humor, i, interaction, joke, little, me, routine, sarcasm, say, social, social etiquette, social interaction, tick, work, workplace, workplace humor

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

Getting into male-dominated fields like falling asleep on the couch.

83 shares on Facebook this month:

Them: “Ugh, could you be more annoying?” Me: “Oh God, yes!”

84 shares on Facebook this month:

Time to get off the internet, I’ve already had enough stupid for the week.

34 shares on WeChat this month:

You can eat cheesecake for breakfast if you want to. No one can stop you. The police can’t even stop you.

16 shares on Telegram this month:

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

34 shares on Reddit this month:

Twitter is basically a psychiatric ward where all the patients diagnose each other.

74 shares on Facebook this month:

We need a slur for people that use AI.

73 shares on Threads this month:

I wish I was a cat. No bills, no job, just meow, meow.

80 shares on TikTok this month:

Denying the existence of anyone that annoys me.

66 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past 2 years.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

The quickest way to get your kid to do their homework is to ask them to help with some chores.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

If cartoons have taught us anything, it’s the uselessness of little umbrellas when plummeting from a cliff.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

I don’t always cook dinner but when I do, I use every pan in the kitchen.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

If I was polyamorous, I think Id date my girlfriend three times.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Extroverts love our energy. That’s why they suck it out of us.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Girls don’t actually shop. We just walk round touching the clothes saying ‘this is cute’.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Accidentally made eye contact with the sweets at the grocery store and now have to declare bankruptcy.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

I found my first grey pubic hair today, but I didn’t freak out; unlike everyone else in the Zoom meeting.

Social Media Log 💫

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Hungry me has no respect for bathroom scale me.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Accidentally became important at work and it’s ruining my life.

Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.

If you’re not getting spoiled, then spoil yourself.

If I was in Jaws, instead of wishing for a bigger boat, I probably would have just asked for a smaller shark.

I wonder how many people think, “What the hell?” after talking to me.

Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didn’t say goodbye to me the day before.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨