Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Knowing I’ve been called crazy, but never ugly, is how I sleep at night.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

The term “domestic housewife” implies the existence of a feral housewife and that is what I aspire to be.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Just a little reminder to laugh as much as you can, stay hydrated, and don’t let shitty people kill your vibe.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Relationship Status: just tried to pet my dog and he turned his head so I pretended I was reaching for a leaf that was next to him.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

I like my men like I like my coffee, secretly alcoholic.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Dating someone from Twitter is like choosing your spouse from a mental hospital.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Cartoons make it look like getting stabbed in the butt with a pitchfork would be no big deal, but I beg to differ.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Dec 23, 2025

3,643

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Shared recently on Slack:

Does anyone know what to do, like in general?

Shared recently on Reddit:

Do animals have celebrities? Like, do birds all recognize that one bird who sings really well?

Seen just now on WeChat:

Aging gracefully is like getting steamrolled gracefully, you should really be screaming.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

Spotted on Snapchat:

Mud season creeps up on us every year, destroying hearts and minds as well as light grey carpeting.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

People who take naps are the real heroes. It takes courage to wake up twice in one day.

Going viral on Instagram:

I don’t need a recipe for disaster. I usually just eyeball it.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

What we need is more companies making hot sauce. I need 900 more ways to taste a thing that tastes exactly like all the other ones.

Just shared via Instagram:

Bisexual just means that I wear perfume with my men’s deodorant.

I can’t finish cleaning up my room because I get distracted by all of the cool stuff I find.

1 month ago

0

I can’t finish cleaning up my room because I get distracted by all of the cool stuff I find.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle of every room-cleaning enthusiast: battling the distractions of cool stuff! Who knew that cleaning could lead to such adventurous discoveries? It's like a treasure hunt, except the treasure is buried under piles of laundry and old magazines."

cleaning, cool, cool stuff, distraction, organization, procrastination, room, stuff

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

AI won’t replace me because I’m already useless to society.

0

1 month ago

AI, humor, joke, me, replace, sarcasm, self-deprecation, society, tech, useless
One day I’ll do amazing things. Today I’ll be satisfied if I don’t spill food on my lap.

0

1 month ago

amazing, amazing thing, day, everyday, everyday life, expectation, food, goal, humor, lap, life, relatability, satisfaction, struggle, thing
If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

0

2 months ago

another, belief, command, God, humor, kill, morality, religion
Cigarettes are a better networking tool than LinkedIn could ever dream of being.

0

1 month ago

activity, being, better, cigarette, cigarettes, dream, ever, fun, fun activity, humor, LinkedIn, networking, socializing, tool
It’s been so long since I had sex last, went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward situation, exercise, humor, i, jogging, last, long time, sex, situation, time
“Topless” doesn’t always mean breasts or a convertible. Sometimes it also means the brain.

0

2 months ago

always, brain, breasts, convertible, humor, mean, means, topless, wit, wordplay

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Threads this month:

I left the house with wet hair and no makeup on, so I’m sure I’ll run into everyone I know.

44 shares on X this month:

In general, I like company, but not when I am with my pizza.

22 shares on X this month:

My favorite childhood memory is having energy.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Is it fall yet? I really can’t suck my stomach in much longer.

27 shares on Threads this month:

Used dark mode so much that I became physically repulsed when I see a white screen.

25 shares on Threads this month:

Me, waiting on an email: What the hell is taking so long, this is ridiculous. Me, sending an email: this can probably wait another three weeks or so.

60 shares on Discord this month:

A 12 step program but it’s just me getting off the couch.

92 shares on Messenger this month:

I can’t work under these festive conditions.

26 shares on TikTok this month:

“God has a plan for you.” OK, is God open to a little feedback?

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Fun prank: make people study for 16 years, and then don’t give them jobs.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Girls will be like “I have so much to do” then grab some snacks and start watching a 10 part docuseries on serial killers.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite unit of measurement is smithereens.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Most of Twitter could probably use a good bop on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The rule should be: if you can smell the cookout, you’re invited to the cookout.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know how to knit, so I made you a tinfoil hat.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever invented the “skip intro” button really understood humans.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Men be like, “I’m sexually attracted to you as a friend.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

One of the hardest things to do as an adult is to go back to work after a long weekend.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Updated

Dec 23, 2025

Users Online

3,726

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Kinda rude when I spend money, and it actually leaves my bank account. But okay.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Not to brag, but my best yoga pose is awkward facing dog.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

I absolutely hate being woken from a nap. There were other treadmills in the gym that dude could have used.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I can’t today. I have to sit in my room and make matters worse.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Having a sore throat as a giraffe must really suck.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

I can’t date until the curse is lifted.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Are you a software update, because not now!

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

I only attract psychopaths. If you’ve ever had a crush on me, find a therapist.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all.

Trending via Discord:

There is nothing worse in life than calling customer service and hearing an Indian accent.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

In the autumn there are two types of creatures who collect acorns: squirrels and toddlers.

Going viral on WeChat:

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

Going bananas on Threads:

The internal struggle between wanting to be productive and just wanting to nap all day.

Just landed via Facebook:

For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

Spotted on Messenger:

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

Just shared via Facebook:

If someone texts “Do you have a minute,” it’s a trick. Don’t fall for it.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I love all the Winter Olympic events, sliding downhill on a piece of wood, sliding downhill on two pieces of wood, sliding downhill in a piece of wood. All amazing.

Just landed via X:

Am I just getting older, or are people getting more annoying?

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